Thank you for your patience
First and foremost BOTH Texas and VA allow for “fault” divorce based on adultery. So you can obtain this “leverage” in either jurisdiction. And leverage it is. Lets back up…
a divorce can either be contested or not contested.
Uncontested; Now the fastest, (and by far the least expensive) way to get a divorce is if you can agree on the terms. If you can agree on "who gets what" there is not a need for attorneys...this will cut the costs to a very small amount (court fees)
Contested; if you can not agree, this is a contested divorce. To proceed you need an attorney or need to act as your own attorney (very bad idea). Here the parties present evidence to the court on "who gets what" and the court decides. This takes longer and involves attorney fees for both sides.
SO, if you can agree with your "soon to be ex" on who gets what, great! If not, you need an attorney. As will they…and costs can quickly escalate (lawyers fees measured in tens of thousands of dollars not uncommon in a contested divorce).
FEW divorces go all the way contested…some will settle rights away…some after paying their lawyers a little or a lot of money. The smart folks will settle up front…
So in your case, you have a path to contest this and obtain a “fault” divorce which would, likely, reduce significantly her share of the community (marital) property
What is this leverage worth?
Well…where are you now? If you are close on your positions (what she wants vs what you want) it may be you can use the leverage to get her to move closer or adopt your position.
And if you are far apart…well…the same concept applies…it may be you can influence her to move to where you expect the property settlement to be.
At the end of the day IF this contest BOTH of you are paying the lawyers
I tell folks that the best deal is one where neither side is happy. So bend to avoid paying the money to lawyers (since that money is lost)
But USE that leverage to press your point. IF you had to contest her adultery will give a basis to significantly reduce her share of your pension.
Now…what venue (TX or VA)? Honestly TX is easier…if only because you do not have the requirement that you live separate and apart one year (or 6 months with no kids). And perhaps more important IF she is a TX resident and you are as well? Really that is the proper jurisdiction. The only issue is kids…I do see a mention of kids…IF you have kids? Then VA will be the place to file…since they have jurisdiction over the kids. NO kids? You want to file in TX.
They have a different scheme of division of property (equitable distribution vs community property) but frankly, the result would likely be exactly the same
Please let me know if you have more questions. I am happy to help if I can. Otherwise, please rate the answer so I may get credit for my work.