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Penny Rayas, MFT's MFT License was verified on or about May 2011 by a leading third-party verification service.View the Terms of Service section on verifications
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After researching many mental illness', I'm convinced that (Possibly amongst other things) that my wife suffers from paranoid personality disorder. It is a fact that she was diagnosed with dysthymia while in med school (which she never shared with me, I found out by accident a couple months ago) and she now believes that was only temporary and due to med school stress (she never continued treatment beyond the month she was diagnosed). If you read through my thread here, you will see that my wife and I are going through an 'in house' separation while waiting out the legal divorce process. My wife now sleeps in the childrens room for about 8 months now. Our oldest of the 2 daughters is nearly 3 years old and often wants 'to sleep in daddys bed'. My wife hates this. She will allow this only to avoid the confrontation that my daughter will put up if she tries to resisit, but my wife will wait until my daughter falls asleep with me, and then come into my room to take my daughter back to bed with her. I've asked my wife about this and she replied that she thinks its age inappropriate for a daughter to sleep with her father. Mind you, this is not a situation where I say "its time for bed" and then tuck my daughter into my bed...it is more at the daughters request to sleep in daddys bed from time to time (as her bed is now officially "mommy and daughter bed)'. When I mentioned that her own parents claimed she slept with them until she was 7, her response was 'that was different because it was with both parents'.
So, keep in mind, my wife claims her mother is undiagnosed bi-polar, both parents are very devoted lds mormons and tried to insist on such lifestyles growing up (note they are african american, which is rare in the lds and had place additional childhood pressures according to her brothers). Her only sister had her first child at 17 and 3 more by the time she was 27 all with the same man who she is not married to and they live together in her mother-inlaws section 8 home across the street from the mother-inlaw. And both of my wifes younger brothers have been incarcerated and spent time in mental health facilities due to diagnosed mental disorders including schizophrenia. One brother is gay (he may argue he is bi) and has been diagnosed with hiv.
So, my question is what 'really' is the underlying concern of my wifes when it comes to my daughters sleeping request? Does my wife truly have a moral concern or could this be deeper, and if so how can I go deeper? With all things considered, I'm now starting to wonder if sexual abuse existed in her childhood. Her family is very secretive (but so is the lds way of life in some manners). And, on many occasions, my wife has made bizarre comments like "I think someone (at the nursery) may have broke her hyman", and "she has a bad rash that looks like someone stuck their finger in here anus", and has commented on the manner that my daughter may have sat on my lap or givin me a hug (ie she's only 3 feet tall and a hug might put her face near my private area. My concern is I would never be able to prove she is mentally incapable of raising our daughter and sincerely XXXXX XXXXX believe she'd be the worse mother in the world. But, I do have reason to believe that her issues could impose on our daughter in a negative way if we cannot address moms issues.
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