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I am attempting to figure out what in hell is wrong with my mother after dealing with her baffling behavior for 47 years. Back in the 1990's my mom literally went crazy. She believed that my father was trying to kill her, had another family, had illegitimate children, was "bugging" the house etc. She was diagnosed as chronic and acute paranoia. She was treated with anti-depressant. I don't know an awful lot about treatment because everything regarding my mom is a big secret. As far as she knows I am not even aware that happened. She is the most secretive person I have ever met. After that she would go through periods of what I would call "the black cloud" days - depressed or really irritable to the point of mean but not psychotic or delusional. She has a very difficult time developing deep friendships most everything about my mom is very superficial. She dislikes many people though doesn't voice that directly rather makes generalized negative statements about them that really are not true. Last year my father had a serious stroke and we started seeing some very odd and bizarre behavior from my mom a little reminiscent of her behavior in the '90's. She began disappearing, saying that she was doing something when she wasn't. We children had to become involved a little in their finances and a lot with insurance and she became very very difficult complaining that 'people were in her business", yet she was unable to do these tasks because she was so tired and depressed. She seemed to resent it - And wavered between being lethargic or just nasty. When Dad got home 3 months later we needed to bring in help. She resented this person, and eventually fired her because she didn't want "anyone in her house" even though my parents really needed the help. In February my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Come to find out she had known she was developing this cancer for a year and had told NO ONE, not even my father. We were instructed to tell no one though she eventually told a couple people. She has been receiving treatment and has done fairly ok with it though her way of dealing with it is to tell the doctor to tell her nothing about her treatment or cancer. She doesn't want to know she says. Two weeks ago my dad had a heart attack and is in rehab recovering. Once again we are seeing my mom start to exhibit the odd behavior again. She has called me twice having panic attacks so bad I thought she may pass out. When questioned about what's going through her mind she says "nothing". She will complain that she knows nothing and that causes her anxiety yet when suggested she educate about her illness she will state "no I don't want to know'. It became very clear last Sunday that her struggles are overwhelming her. I recommended she go see her Doctor because you cannot recommend a psychiatrist because "she doesn't need that" and that was the best I could do to get her somewhere. She went on Monday and he made some adjustments to her med of zoloft (on for 20 years) and added in xanax. Yesterday was her first radiation treatment which is painless and very fast. She was prepped well for what this would be like yet had a meltdown there that she is lucky didn't end in straight jacket. She swears she didn't know she has to go everyday for a month when she has been told repeatedly. She screamed to doctors lied to her she cried, she wailed, she acted like she was 2. She told my sister she does not want to do it. She cried all day ad went to bed around 2 pm. I called her doctor that she saw on Monday and spoke with him at length about their visit. True to form she told him nothing of her history and simply stated that she was just having panic attacks. We discussed her ceasing treatment for now as I believe she has had 9and he in agreement) a nervous breakdown. She has a slow growing cancer and he stated that ceasing treatment for awhile would be fine. I called her and told her and her response was "I am fine I do not want to stop" She talked with all my siblings and justified her wacky behavior by stating that it was "normal" to be nervous, downplayed what really happened. She then turned it around and said we were overreacting and we shouldn't be in her business. Later yesterday we got the news that my dad is being discharged and coming home. He is very weak. She cannot physically take care of him given her condition and she couldn't even if she was well. My dad wants and needs in home care and this was met with much resistance because she doesn't want anyone in her home. She acquiesced to hiring the person she fired who is 8 months pregnant for 2 hours a day and is unable to really do what needs to be done. My whole life with her has been Don't tell mom, don't say this, don't do this manage mom. Doubt bi-polar my husband is and I don't see it, have thought BPD but no impulse or abandonment, NPD maybe but not really. Can't deal with her. Want to pull my hair out. Help.