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i was engaged 10 years ago to one of my far cousins i was 24 and he was 28. we were extremely in love and we were together for 5 years ,he lives in other city but same country he is open minded he love partying he has girlfriend he was alcoholic but he never told me that he only said that he is a social drinker. i never knew the first year, we were talking in phone and meeting frequently. after the first year i started to know that he is alcoholic .. and he have a problem with his family. when we started our relationship he told me about all his past and relations with girls and his family issues i accepted it and he promised me he will never be a player again.. he wants to be committed he wants family life and kids and he never felt this way with a girl like me. we talked daily and never have problems only when he drinks i don't accept it we always have big fight because of heavy drinker.. he always promise me to change and he doesn't like his life and I'm the one who gonna lift him up .. and he went to a therapist several times he quit and get back again and again..i tried my best to change him but i always fight with him and get mad.. i trusted him a lot and never felt that I'm betrayed we call each other hours and hours we stay in touch the whole day only when he is drunk and sleep for a long day ,, once i figured out that he knows a girl they drink together and please him self with her . i did a big fight and left him he ran back to me and denied that he knows other girl and said that he can't live without me he will do everything to make me trust him again he will die if i leave ! i blinded my mind and heart and i knew the truth but i ignore and get him back coz i loved him so much.. i stayed with him 5 years and he put a ring on me ! his lifestyle is different than mine he loves patting with girls and couples and never regret if he always lie that he knows girls. he was extremely crazy about partying and the last year i get very cold and calm and let him do whatever he wants and not asking.. he has a very good attitude he respect me and my family and he speaks very confidently but he knows how to turn tables and convinces me. he lies and i know but ignore and don't tell him he lies if he party and drink a lot he tell me i slept for two days cause I'm sick and i ignore..but he has a very white heart . i know him very well without talking i can figure what he do and what he wants and if lies i know.. and he knows that i know him that well .. he know me too. and suddenly we talked by phone he told me he's going to bar with friend and he some of them couples i told him to have fun and after hours he txt me (im not god enough for you .. you deserve better than me .. good bye) i was surprised i called and txt back no respond for a month! after a month he call to say its over and he can't marry me coz he is not ready and he doesn't have money he can't build him self before 5 more years and i deserve the best hes not good enough for me btw he don't work he waits for money from his father ! so i give up and tried to let go but still loved him coz i knew there is something wrong and he is ashamed of my family ! i stayed away 5 years and txt him many time with no reply this year the 5th year he reply with a cold heart and toughness he said we are different! and you deserve a better person.. i beg him lets do this last chance I'm a different person now I'm more calm and wiser.. he said ok..and called 5 months ago he told me that he started to do business and he stand up on his feet again and he fixed all his family problems..but i don't know if its true! first we were like strangers and he was so careful with me this last month he begin to show me he is feelings and he never loved anybody only me.. but when he drinks he tell me that he wants me his wife and the name of our kids and our future.. when he is sober he never told me what he plans for our future.. i asked him once do you want me to be your wife he get mad and told me why am i calling you all these days of course i want you.. and i missed him a lot i told him i want to see you he ignore and said he's not ready now.. then after days he came to see me.. he was so confused he never hold me or kissed me nothing he only talks and talks about him and what he did and where he go .. suddenly he looked at me and said you become more beautiful and i get near him and he hold me and kissed me but i still felt that he is not ok but we kissed and made love and he told me i want u to be mine and then we talked but i was surprised he never look at my eyes. the second day he left the city. after a week when we were talking by phone he told me he will travel i told him please don't stay long ill miss u and don't leave me ! he get mad and tell me look u know something this the time to say good bye I'm not good enough for you i can't get back with you like before i tried but i can't .. you deserve better than me.. its me not you
i get mad at first and cried beg himhe was rejecting me and pushed me awayi let him go .i need to know is he stable ? what does he thinks?why he did it twice ?is it true love or illusion?why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?I'm just wondering why?and truly now i feel nothing about him