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.Am I obsessed STALKER, mentally sick and GAY?
Please read carefully and thoroughly before you response.
I was sharing one room of my flat with a decent European girl. She has lived with me for 13 months. She used to talk and share her problems with me. I got emotionally attached to her and started treating her as a friend more than flatmate.
I started enjoying conversation with her and doing things for her like cleaning her room and bathroom, washing her cloths including underwear, washing her utensils, buying and sharing food with her, taking care of her. She never asked me to do all this. Few times she shared her food with me as well. Couple of times I went to Airport to receive her (she didn’t ask or invite me).
Two times I opened the door without knocking when she was inside (I was not aware that she is inside) but I didn’t enter inside.
I never objected or said anything for latency in rent payment or using my kitchen stuff.
I never did anything wrong or seek sexual favour from her. I never had delusion and misconception about her that she is in love with me (although once she told me she likes me and that’s why she doesn’t say anything to me).
One I put a bouquet of red roses, a teddy bear and one motivational greeting card in her room without her knowledge.
She hugged and complimented me “You are a very nice person”; when I wished and gave her gift on Woman Day and on her Birthday, when I woke at mid night to say her “have a nice journey” and gave her some snakes when she was going to her native place.
I used to send her good morning/night messages, motivational/inspirational cards or red rose image with good morning messages. Sometimes I wrote her name on cards. Few times I send her “missing you” messages when she was away.
She always replied back to my messages and couple of times texted me good wishes, maybe because she wanted to be nice with me.
I asked her couple of times if she is happy and comfortable living with me but she never said she has any issue living with me.
Once I asked her “can we live our best life together” and she said it is not possible.
I informed her that I am planning to vacant this flat due to end of lease agreement. One day she moved out from flat leaving behind some stuff without meeting me and paying outstanding rent of 800 GPB. I didn't say anything but felt very sad and texted her “you left me alone”. She replied back “don’t worry you will find another flatmate”.
I delivered her remaining stuff to her office address by cargo. She has provided me her office and home address when I asked where to deliver her stuff. I delivered few letters of her by post to her office address after asking her.
Once I texted her “I am missing you badly”
One day I woke up early and sent her good morning wish and she replied back the same. After few hours she texted me that she is very much scared from me because she thought I am stalking her. I simply replied back to her that doesn’t scare from me.
Next day I texted her: “If I am a scary person then you would not have lived in this flat for a year. Actually you scare from being loved and cared”. After this message she said so many things; She used to sleep at home by setting up police speed dial, She was punishing herself by living with me. I tried to clarify and apologies her but she didn’t understand.
Her few statements from reply of my clarification and apologies mails:
- I genuinely think that you have some serious issues with yourself.
- You went to 'psychiatrist' , so you said, which I think is one big lie, I think it would be wise to get 2nd opinion and be honest with them. Don't forget to mention washing cleaning my personal belongings including my underwear, don't forget the flowers and teddy bear in my room, buying the same food, coming to airport without being invited nor asked, entering opening my bedroom doors while I was asleep inside.
- You fit a profile of person who is capable of anything. You definitely fit a profile of a obsessive stalker.
- I am going to contact police with your case coz your msgs are nuisance and harassment. You are so weird manipulative.
- You know why I moved in with you coz I honestly thought you were gay and I am still convinced that you are gay, at least to me you seem to be one.
My clarification, apologies to her:
- When we first met, I told you to treat this flat as your own and not to stay just as a flatmate. I always treated you as my friend.- I came to Airport as qua of friend not as a stalker.- I cleaned your room and cloths as qua of friend not because of any kind of sickness (I also lived with many friend's family and they sometimes used to clean my room). I know you told me not to do so but I did it for cleanliness not for any bad intention.- I opened the door without knocking just to see if your room is proper and not for any bad intention. I was not aware that you are inside. I never entered when you are inside.- I used to buy same food so that you can eat properly. I never objected or said anything for using kitchen stuff because between friends sharing stuff is common.
- It's very sad for me that you continued for a year with lots of issues with me. I asked you couple of times if you are happy living here but I never realised that you are actually tolerating me.- I am moving back to xxx and If you think being a nice, helping and caring is a sign of sickness then you are free to punish me.
- I apologise for trying to add you back in my professional and social circles and will never do it again.
- I apologies for trying to be nice and friendly with you.
- I apologies for getting emotionally attached to your fear, pain and problems which are hidden inside me as well. I will take control of my emotions.
- I said those wrong things and I apologies that I hurt your feelings and I feel terrible that I have done something that has hurt you.
- I am not stalking you and not mentally sick. It's very painful for me being called a mentally sick and stalker by you, losing your trust and you. You should have slapped or kicked me instead of punishing yourself. Don't ever punish yourself even if you have any restraints or compulsion.
- I will always obey and respect your decision of stopping and ending all communications.
After this incidence, I watched couple of movies based on STALKING and I didn’t find myself near to those STALKERS.
I read articles on BDS/PDS and GAY and I didn’t find any symptoms of mental illness or GAY.
What am I seeking as second opinion?
I am seeking your expert opinion and help for my better life. I would definitely take medical treatment if you advice.
Below is response from other Psychologist with whom I have consulted on 25th Aug 2014 for the same:
I do not think you have a mental health issue, instead I think it was more of a cultural issue where you are very nice and caring, but that is not the type of roommate relationship she is used to
So no I do not think you have a mental illness, but there were cultural differences involved that allowed for this miscommunication. What was normal behavior to you, was abnormal for her and that is just because of different cultures