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LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 482
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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I need some advice please.. My ex-wife just contacted me by

Customer Question

Hi... I need some advice please.. My ex-wife just contacted me by a text message - saying "I miss u - its not fair to say but I wanted you to know - I promised to tell u". We are divorced since October of last year, and we were together for 6 years before that. She had an infidelity - that I was going to work thru - but she wanted a quick divorce and was very firm on it... I really am confused... I don't know if I should answer - and tell her how pissed off I am at her, tell her to leave me alone, or what to do... I still love her (and hate her for doing betraying us and not wanting to work things out or wait)... I'm so confused... she was already buried so deep... I just started to go out a bit... any thoughts/suggestions?
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: no meds
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: no I'm healthy
Submitted: 3 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 3 months ago.

Hi, thanks for writing to us. My name is***** is a tough thing to have spring back up on you and I can understand why you are feeling so confused. you finally feel like you are getting on with things after being so deeply burned and she pops back up.

I think what strikes me about your comment is that you mention that you were wanting to work through the issues and she was the one that pushed for a quick divorce. That says to me that your goal even with the infidelity was to stay married to her - that you felt your marriage was worth saving then. Have things changed for you dramatically since that you now feel like it isn't worth giving it a second chance? It is okay to say yes, that you moved past this. But it is also okay to admit that you still love her as you said above and that because things moved so quickly before, you never really got a chance to fight for your marriage and each other as a team.

What also strikes me is that her text is kind of cryptic. I think at the least, you need to know why she felt the need to tell you this now. What did she want to come of this? Is she wanting now to get back together? if she is, what can she commit to in regards ***** ***** this work? Is she willing to start attending couples counseling so you can stay separate but engaged in working out these issues so you can ease back in to this? Is she wanting you to move in? So basically, you'll need to reply to her and ask her what she wants. Until you know that, it isn't worth racking your brain to think of what you want until you know what she is seeking.

Also, what do you mean by "she was already buried so deep?"

I look forward to talking this through with you,

Leah

Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 3 months ago.

Hi, I noticed this question was still open and wanted to remind you I am here to help! If you are all set or don't have additional questions, I'd appreciate a rating. Rating me won't affect your payment amount but it will give me credit for my time. Thanks and let me know if I you want to chat more :)
-Leah

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