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It is not uncommon for parents to act a bit different after a new marriage. It can be very hard on the kids, but you sound quite bright and maybe you can try a new approach in getting to know them better as a new couple and also as individuals again. Maybe ask your step mom to do things together just the two of you so you can learn about each other and maybe find even one thing that you like about one another. I know you don't love that idea, but it can be done and with some patience and willingness you can forge a relationship that will feel more satisfying for all.