Good morning and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.
My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling and even sadder to hear you have been struggling most of your life. You must be exhausted of feeling overwhelmed and depressed and perhaps have even forgotten what it feels like to feel good.
You mentioned you have a deep, heavy past and I do believe this has much to do with the way you are feeling. Whatever it is that lurks there, needs to be looked at closely and put to rest so you can move forward toward contentment. Yes, seeing a behaviorist is a wonderful start. I am thrilled you have learned some coping but you need to get to the bottom of everything--the meat of the issue. It sounds like you have learned to put a bit of a bandage over a deep, open wound. It is not time to start the deep healing.
I understand you are not ready to do one-on-one counseling. Would you consider doing sessions over the phone with a therapist from this site? You would not have to look at the person and could write as much as you wanted instead of saying it? Or, if you did attend one-on-one therapy, you could always write letters to your therapist so he/she could read your darkest pain and you wouldn't have to hear yourself repeating it. I have had a number of clients do this over the years and it was very helpful for them to write their stories.
Would you consider an online support group of sorts? Perhaps reaching out to a group of strangers who also struggle with depression? Also, do you have anything in your life that helps you cope with the pain...such as art, music or some type of other activity?
These are just some ideas but I'm sure there are many more. I do believe, though, it best you reach out.
Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.
Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.