Good evening and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.
My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area of the United States.
Ahhhh, sweet soul, this is a very complicated situation---complicated because of the history between the two of you and complicated because it has sadly become toxic and now the situation requires some sort of change in the relationship you have.
To answer your question of "did he do something wrong?" The answer is clearly YES. He was unfaithful on multiple occasions and has lied to you about the nature of his relationship with this current woman. Have you done anything wrong? No, not from what you presented.
It seems he wants to keep you waiting in the wings should things in his relationship not work out. He simply wants the best of you as well--the things he most cherishes (your friendship, listening ear and so on) without having a commitment. There is nothing wrong with not having a commitment but a true friendship is based up on trust and mutual respect...both of which he seems to lack for you. I am so sorry to say this as I imagine this is not what you want to hear.
I think you are very clear about what needs to happen but I am concerned as to why you are fearful of his reaction? Is this coming from a place of your own fear of confrontation? Or, is there something scary about him where you wouldn't feel safe?
You need to step away because even you label the relationship as "toxic." You don't need to get into all the details for me to know, without doubt, you are 100% right about his. A toxic relationship will stunt your emotional growth and will keep you stuck. You are so much better than this and deserve someone who loves and cherishes you. Please, sweet friend, run from this man. You will be better in the long term--trust me.
Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.
Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.