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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2742
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Thank you! I have been dating a guy since July, very slowly,

Customer Question

thank you! I have been dating a guy since July, very slowly
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: No, and I do not take any medications
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: It is a relationship question I am healthy. I have pelvic pain though and have had issues with it
Submitted: 22 days ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

Hi. How can I support you with your relationship question?

Customer: replied 22 days ago.
I've dated this guy, he's 45, I'm 34 since July. He only asks me out once a week and only contacts me to make a date. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend and hasn't asked me if I am dating anyone else. We haven't had that conversation yet. I have offered fun date suggestions, but he seems to only want to go to dinner and then to his place after to make out. I told him on Friday that I am a virgin, which I am when things started moving too fast. I feel very vulnerable, because I told him that. I always respond to his advances in a nice flirty way, so he doesn't think I am rejecting him. I haven't heard from him and I think since we got so close and I told him that, I feel he should check in to at least say hi. Am I wrong? I feel very uncertain and anxious. Most guys I have dates run away when I tell them that. I want to ask him if me being a virgin is an issue or if I am his girlfriend. But don't want to infringe on his "man freedom" and think I am needy or clingly. I am not, and like my own time. But I don't like this feeling of not knowing.
Customer: replied 22 days ago.
I should also mention he is divorced and he is a psychiatrist. I really have started to have feelings for him
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

Thanks for being so open about things. It sounds like he has been taking his time asking you out and spending time together so his not reaching out right away after you told him about your virginity seems in line with that. I would be surprised if your honesty sends him might make him take greater care in how he proceeds with things with you. I would not push to have "that conversation" and let things flow naturally. That conversation about whether you are his girlfriend could feel like pressure and that could get him to back off. So while I truly know how hard it is not to know, as best you can let things play out naturally.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

If he has kids then that along with his practice could limit his availability. Just let things be and enjoy the time when you are together without any pressure for yourself or him.

Customer: replied 22 days ago.
ok, thank you. I will be patient. That seems like the best plan even though it makes me feel so anxious. But I will, thank you for your advice! I appreciate it. No, he doesn't have kids.
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

I know how hard it is...but you can do this....remind yourself that things have been steadily moving along and so rely on that and the connection you are building.

Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

Let me know if I can support you further. If all good for now, please take a moment to click the rating stars to rate my support. Thanks so much in advance.

Customer: replied 22 days ago.
ok, thanks. I questioned whether I should go on dates with other men. We met online. I believe he must be dating other women due to the fact we only go out once a week. I don't want to date anyone else. But I am not sure what he is looking for, so I feel it is only fair I date others too just in case he isn't looking for a serious relationship. Do you think its ok for me to date other men if he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend or made it clear he is looking for something serious?
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

If you desire to date as well, then of course it is okay until you are further established. If you don't have the desire right now, that is okay too. You haven't spoken about being exclusive so it is okay to be out there and enjoying your life.

Customer: replied 22 days ago.
ok thank you! Those are all my questions. thanks for your help!
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

My pleasure. I am here again if you need me. Thanks in advance for offering a rating of my work.


Expert:  TherapistJen replied 22 days ago.

Please if you could click the rating stars to rate my support as I am not credited for my time without it.

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