Welcome to JA. My name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in NYS. I am preparing my reply and will post in one moment.
Hello, I am so glad you reached out with your questions. First, I want you to know I understand and hear your concern over your premature interest in being sexual with the neighbor boy and also drawing pictures of sexual acts at a young age. May I ask how old you were when your adopted half sister was caught physically abusing you and what exactly was she doing to you? This situation may not have anything to do with your questions about you sexual awareness at a young age but it is still a very significant part of your childhood and a piece of the overall puzzle. The information you have shared would definitely raise questions from a clinical professional as to how a child would have become so aware of sexual behaviors and images. and yes, we would suspect that you were sexualized and/or sexually abused prior to these behaviors. And yes, you could have been sexually abused and for various psychological reasons blocked the experience(s) from your psyche. This takes place quite often with children as the violation is so overwhelmingly traumatic for them that they repress the information or experience until they are older, and may start connecting their own behaviors and memories as you are that do not make sense. The definition of repression is to unconsciously forget or block thoughts, feelings and impulses that are unacceptable, it is similar to a type of amnesia and often occurs over traumatic past memories. Does this make sense and answer your questions? I am here for you. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC
Have you considered seeing a psychotherapist to discuss these questions you have in a safe, therapeutic environment? You sound like a healthy, strong, competent woman and because of these qualities you may really benefit from therapy around your childhood sexual behaviors. I wish you all the best and invite you to ask any further questions you may have related to this topic. Please take a moment to rate my service to you, I would truly appreciate it. Thank you. Linda D., LMSW, CASAC