Sounds to me like she may take advantage of your kindness shown to her and that some boundaries need to be set in a loving and kind way. I would try and talk with her when things calm down by sharing your feelings and not attacking and if there are things in her behavior that are upsetting you can gently let her know and hopefully you can all come back together in a way that is respectful to all. You and your husband are very giving but some boundaries may need to be set so you can both feel okay about the relationship.
Let me know your thoughts. I am here to discuss.