We are married couple for 21 years. I (husband) had premature ejaculation
(in 1-2 minutes) from very beginning of our married life. My wife is multi-orgasmic. Then to compensate, I introduced alternatives, like erotic massage to my wife and fingering by a male masseur about 6 years ago. It improved my performance after seeing her having multiple orgasm. It was a very occasional practice.
After a pause, we again tried the sensual massage yesterday, and my wife had multiple orgasms (6-7) and then I had intercourse in front of the other man (for the first time) but I ejaculated in 1 minutes. After long gap she enjoyed the fingering but she gets bothered by her religious and cultural taboos (inhibitions), we are South Asian origin and does not proceed towards having sex with the other person.
The extreme pre-mature ejaculation led me to the fantasy that "my wife getting multiple orgasms by having sex with another man and I participate at the end (threesome)". Due to life-long anxiety
related to pre-mature ejaculation, further complicated by erectile dysfunction after suffering from diabetes and subsequent minor depression for last 4 years, and both of us stepping into 5th decade, I am seriously thinking about following situation and seeking your expert opinion:
Should I (husband) seek sex therapy to reduce my anxiety and depression related to unhappiness in sex-life, or should my wife seek counseling to accept alternatives for improving both sex and life, or both of us should seek sex therapy together?
It may be noted that as a married couple, we are very much committed and have children and my wife still is very much sexually active but forcefully dimities her sex desires to protect me from anxiety.
Look forward to hearing from you with your expert suggestions.