Hello, john, and thanks for writing to us. My name is***** am really sorry to hear you are having these scary thoughts and are also unable to sleep. Are you generally feeling despair, hopelessness, fatigue, disengagement from social things or things you once enjoyed, and changes in eating? If you are having other symptoms from the list and these symptoms have been present for at least two weeks most days, then it is very possible you are suffering from depression. Have you ever been treated for depression in the past? Depression can come on "out of nowhere" or can have direct correlations to stress in our lives. About 1 in 5 of us will have clinical depression at sometime in our lives so it is possible that this is just something that has developed, or it could be situational. These symptoms definitely warrant you talking to your primary care doctor to be thoroughly assessed for depression and for any thing else that may be taking a toll on your health and well-being, like the lack of sleep. Your doctor is equipped to treat your depression and sleep through medications. If you have developed a plan for killing yourself, and/or if the thoughts are ongoing and you can't turn them off and you are fearful you may act, then going to your nearest emergency room for support is needed so that you stay safe.
The other best treatment for depression is counseling. While the combination of medications and counseling is ideal, one or the other can also prove helpful. So if you are finding yourself in distress or have had some problems lately in your life that would warrant it, reach out and talk to someone. Talking to a counselor can be so helpful and can allow you the chance to open up to and form a meaningful relationship with someone who will walk beside you as you navigate.
This is my favorite site for locating counselors in you area...
I hope this helps and remain availble to you on this site if you have additional questions. If this is depression, there is a lot of help out there so you are not alone.