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Hello and thank you for your question. My name is***** does sound like a tough decision to make and of course, we understand your husband's motivations well to try to keep his family protected. I am sure you and him share this ultimate goal. It seems to me that your husband is unfairly judging other people for their choices. Some people have a harder time letting go of the past than others but it does not seem particularly advantageous in any way that your husband continue to have conflict with the people who have decided differently from him on how to handle this. This is especially true since your cousin's husband retracted her statement that the uncle is a good guy. Considering you and him are on the same page to stay distant from this potential threat and have exercised caution in terms of not seeing him, perhaps it would be time your husband let go of some of his resentments towards others. He cannot control their choices or actions and can control his own but the difficulty is that his actions are perpetuating strain for you with your own family and this is potentially unfair.
I would continue to talk to your husband about what your goal is here. I would assume it will continuously be reinforced that he wants as well as you want nothing to do with this perpetrator. Therefore you and him can continue to be on the same page regarding the protection of your direct family and should work to let go of what other people have decided for themselves. It is not your husband's responsibility to make decisions for other people and judging them is only causing conflict. Hopefully, he can come to see this more from your side where you just want some peace and comfort with the people who you have grown up with which does not pose any immediate risk to your family. Letting go of the past is liberating as living in the past is bound to cause pain as it cannot be undone. Please continue to help you and your family look forward by enjoying time together and watching your families thrive.
I hope this helps! I look forward to carrying out this conversation with you.
It does sound like your husband is being irrational on the matter and using this, like you said, as ammunition to continue to put distance between himself and this family. Unfortunately, this is at your expense. Considering he has no actual rights over the property, it sounds unlikely he has the amount of say that he is asserting and that is a good thing. For now, considering how passionate he is on the issue, there may not be an easy resolution. Perhaps the best thing would be to say that if your husband feels so strongly about this side of your family,. he is welcome to disconnect himself from them and stop seeing them, but that you will not be making this choice. It does not sound like there is a direct threat here so again, his using safety as a point is moot. It may just be an issue where you agree to disagree and let it go with the stance that if he is so against this family, then he can feel free to disengage from them but that this is his choice and you choice is to stay involved.
You're welcome. Family relationships can be so complicated. Just stick to the simple sides of your stance and focus on where you agree - that keeping children safe is a mutual priority and practice and will continue to be so. This concept does not necessitate the destruction of your other relationships with your family.