Hello, thank you for writing to us. My name is***** sounds like you may have a sexual arousal disorder which might inhibit you from experiencing pleasurable feelings associated with sex/sexual touch. Assuming you have seen you primary care doctor or gynecologist and there are no physical reasons such as hormonal imbalances, medications, etc., then I would suggest you go talk to a certified sex therapist. It is quite possible that your feelings of lack of pleasure sincerely ***** ***** to do with how well you are touched but instead have to do with your psychological response to it. In other words, it may be your brain getting in the way of feeling the experience as you wish you could. It sounds like you already are aware of this possibility as you recognize the sensations you desire when you dream.
The best thing you can do is to seek out a certified sex therapist for help on this issue. They have specific training and experience in all types of issues pertaining to our sexual identities including the lack of pleasure during sex. Their training and experience means they have seen this before and while it may take some bravery to divulge your issues and talk about them with another person, i can assure you this is what they do on a daily basis and they will help put you at ease regarding talking about it and seeking resolution. You may have luck finding one in either of these two places...
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?utm_source=PT_Psych_Today&utm_medium=House_Link&utm_campaign=PT_TopNavF_Therapist (select sex theraoy from the list of "issues")
Have faith that with that the right type of support, you can experience positive change in this area and feel more in control of your satisfaction. I hope this helps!