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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1371
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Our 19 year old daughter has been dating a sociopath last 10

Customer Question

Our 19 year old daughter has been dating a sociopath for the last 10 months. We have just found proof that he has been lying and is a sociopath but she is struggling with believing it.
JA: Have you seen a doctor about this yet? What medications are you taking?
Customer: no and none
JA: Anything else in your medical history you think the psychologist should know?
Customer: no
JA: OK. Got it. I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully-refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and then connect you two.
Submitted: 3 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 3 months ago.
This 32 year old man she meet first week of college and fell for him right away. He is a very nice guy but things just seemed off. I did some research and found he was lying about his military service. He said he is currently in the military. He actually has the entire University fooled that he is currently serving in the reserve's. He at the beginning of the year told everyone he was being deployed on a secret mission, he claims to be in special ops. He the day after school was out, was "deployed to Syria on a special op." He called our daughter via a voip line and spoke with her, then after gunfire in the background hung up abruptly. He returned after a 3 week "deployment." The week after returning went to San Diego for the weekend for the funeral of a Team member that died during the deployment. The University even prayed for his deployment at an awards ceremony. Turns out he is not in the military and has not been since 2011, when he was in the Navy he was just an average sailor on a boat(not special Ops). My daughter is head over heels for this guy. We have received notification from the Navy that he is not in the navy and even replied and received confirmation of the info from the Navy on Navy letterhead with contact info for the information officer. Boyfriend claims the info is wrong and he is truthful that he did go to Syria. She wants so bad to ignore the facts and just listen to him. He now has told her he wont come near our home and she goes to meet him across town. He says he is trying to get documentation for her. I feel I need to tell the University. He has a good relationship with the basketball coach as he played there as a the star player last 3 years. It is a small Christian private college. Maybe the Coach who is head of Athletics can reign him in and get him on the path to the truth. Any help please?? The guy even puts post to his Facebook followers about this fake life.
Expert:  Linda D. replied 3 months ago.

Hello, my name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist/family therapist in private practice in New York State. Thank you for reaching out to Just Answer. I can definitely understand what a difficult and disconcerting situation you are in regarding your daughters well being. I would like to advise you to try your best not to let your daughter feel like she must choose him over you, her parents. If in fact this man is as manipulative and dishonest as you believe he is then she is going to need the people who love her to be there when she starts to have doubts or concerns of her own. The more she has to defend him, every time she argues with against you on his behalf, the more she is strengthening her beliefs that he is what she wants him to be. You have already expressed your concerns to her, so there really isn't anything else to say unless you learn more information about him. Now is the time to let her know you believe in her and will trust her judgment and lert he know that you will respect her decisions from this point forward. The reason you want to take this approach is that you want her to keep talking to you about the relationship so that you can stay on top of what is happening there. If she feels you are judging her or trying to keep her away from him, then she will keep secrets from you and he will have more power over her. Does this make sense to you? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, and please understand I am giving you this advice knowing how scary this must be for you to have him in her life. but you want her to see you as on her side and believing in you so that she will come to you instead of push you away. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC

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