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LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 298
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and I would like to

Customer Question

I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and I would like to eventually have a more intimate sexual relationship. He wants to wait and see what develops as we get to know each other better (which I think is noble). I text him every morning and each night with very romantic messages, his responses are appreciative and loving but not on the same level as mine to him. Once I got busy in the morning and didn't text him and he made it a point to tell me he didn't get my text and wondered what happened. He apparently likes the attention I pay him because if I stop he doesn't like it. Any thoughts on what's going on in his head and how you think I should go forward? He is a former Catholic seminarian with very little dating experience and has expressed a bisexual mindset.
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 5 months ago.

Hello Lee, thank you for writing to us. My name is ***** ***** I'd like to help. It sounds like you have found yourself in a very nice relationship with a man who is respectful. Your statement of his inexperience is likely a significant factor in his wanting to take it slow, as you mention. Since you state you love him, there is clearly going to be some room for patience on your end in regards ***** ***** getting comfortable enough to be intimate with you and I absolutely encourage you to continue to express you own need for intimacy through flirty/romantic texts, touching, etc. His more bland responses are again, likely a reflection of his inexperience and timidness.

However, as you state he is your boyfriend, a natural component and right in relationships is that of intimacy if one partner desires it. It sounds like you have spoken before about the matter and he has told you he would like to take it slow which is okay, but there will become a time when your needs and rights to intimacy with a trusted partner should be "honored". Otherwise, this relationship would be considered platonic, and it sounds like that is not your hope. I would worry that if too long goes by with him continuing to delay things, you will become frustrated and quickly begin to question the relationship and it's possibilities.

First and foremost, continue to be open and honest with your boyfriend about your needs. As long as you feel okay with the pace, then ride it out. But if you begin to feel unsettled, disappointed, in need of more, be proactive in making this known to him. As I said, you have a right to be a sexual being who has needs that are preferably met when you have a good partner in a committed relationship and it sounds like you believe this relationship to be that. Hopefully he understands this and steps out of his comfort zone a bit, even if the initial intimate steps continue at a slower pace.

Hope this helps! Please let me know if you have more to add. I look forward to hearing back!

-Leah

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