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Linda D.
Linda D., Psychotherapist, LMSW, CASAC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  LMSW, CASAC
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Can you advise us on how to relate to our son ( 40) who has

Customer Question

Hello, can you advise us on how to relate to our son ( 40) who has an adjustment disorder diagnosis, and who has rejected us following our intervention into his attemps at suicide?He blames us for interfering in his life. My wife has breast cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy and at this very difficult time he has rejected our postal birthday presents and good wishes.He will not speak to me.
He was a police officer,he became divorced and lost everything.He no longer sees his 2 children as this is a major stressor for him.
I was asked by the family to go to egypt to persuade my son to return to the uk as he stated he had tried to commit suicide whilst there.
Since returning he was assessed my the Mental health team but later attempted suicide in the uk. He refused to allow the MHT to disclose details to us and so we were not involvrd in his care.He abused me and now blames me for interfering and yet I feel we are being some sort of scapegoat/stressor for him to blame.I jutst feel so protective for my wife and at a time when we are all trying to support her my son rejects her love in such a cruel manner.I need to tell him this but don't know how to do this. I don't want make things worse but I feel he has to understand that his behaviour is anacceptable
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Linda D. replied 4 months ago.

Hello, my name is ***** ***** I am a licensed psychotherapist/family therapist in private practice in New York State. Thank you for reaching out to Just Answer with your concerns regarding your sons behavior and the impact he is having on you and your wife. I can hear how challenging and distressing this is for you and yet I believe your priorities are correct. You made sure your son was able to access mental health services, and you showed him you care. However, your son is an adult and has the right to make his ow choices and decisions about getting help or refusing treatment. The absolute hardest thing for a family member to do ( and I know this personally as well as professionally) is to accept their limitations at stopping the suffering of someone they love, especially their adult child. we do not know what it is like to be him. He is fortunate in that he does understand that he can have a different quality of life, so he knows the difference, but he may not want it. And yes, it is actually counter productive to try to get him to do something he doesn't want to do, because now he can focus on digging in and resisting you instead of looking at what he himself is choosing not to do to get help. he can make the problem you...............not his choices. The best thing you can do for your son, is to let him know in a loving, non judgmental way that you have done everything you can to help him, but the responsibility is his to get the help he needs and you will respect HIS CHOICES (he needs to hear this is about him not yo or his mom). Explain that you are going to focus your attention and energy on supporting your wife and you are going to do whatever is necessary to reduce external stress in her life. Tell him this is your responsibility as her husband and that when and if he MAKES THE DECISION to get help that you will be there for him. Please do not take his accusations personally, they are a manifestation of his unstable moods, not really him. I truly wish you, your wife and your son all the best through this difficult time and want you to know I am here to help in any way that I can. please take a moment to rate my service to you as this is the only way we are compensated for our time. Thank you so much and please let me know if you have any other questions. Sincerely, ***** ***** LMSW, CASAC

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