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Ask Therapist Leslie Your Own Question
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 249
Experience:  Owner and Psychotherapist at Self-Employed, Private Practice
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I have a family member that has personality disorder.

Customer Question

hello i have a family member that has personality disorder.
Submitted: 5 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
his main problems are. work only few hours a week even though he has very important responsabilities in the family business, he has no friend and dont like to me social
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
he is 42 years old and not married . in the company he is creating a lot of problems because of his personality. He earns the same salary and bonus as his brother who is the general manager. I m worry that these situation can come to worst but we dont know how to fix it
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
he dont like to get help and these has being like these for more than 10 years
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Good afternoon and thank you so much for your message. I realize it's difficult to reach out. Please know I honor your courage.

My name is ***** ***** I am a psychotherapist in the Metro Boston area.

Ahhhh yes, personality disorders can be very challenging for not only those suffering but also those who are friends, colleagues and family members.

I imagine there is already a bit of resentment already built up as he is only working a few hours a week and getting the same salary as his brother who is obviously working more.

You didn't mention what type of personality disorder this family member has but it might make sense for the entire family to become as educated on it as possible. This will allow everyone to stay on the same page and minimize any possible manipulation or splitting on the part of the individual suffering with the p/d.

Could continuation of employment in the family business be contingent on this individual seeking psychotherapy and psychiatry assistance? I know this is done in many other organizations and imagine it will be met with frustration and even possible resistance as this is a family business but in all fairness to the other employees, it might be worth trying.

Have I answered your question? Is there anything else I can do to assist you further? I want to ensure you are pleased with my service. I also gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
the problem is that he dont want help and he thinks he dont need to work more to achive his work but is not the reality. Already we had try with different therapist but always he stop.
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Oh dear, I imagine it would only be fair to pay him for the actual hours worked. I know he believes otherwise but the work is simply not getting done...which means, it is falling on others. It is unfair to all--especially since he has not stayed in treatment. In many ways, the company is enabling bad behavior but not holding him accountable.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
we dont know if to preasure him to leave the company and dedicate him to do something else even though his mother and sister are always prootecting him. his father died 5 years ago
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Could his role be possibly changed to something else? Perhaps something a bit more behind the scenes? What do other family members in the company want to do? Have you guys met to discuss this situation?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I have a meeting these afternoon with another partner who is his uncle and his brother to have an strategy
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
we try to change his role but his ego is to big and he likes the power that he has managing the finances of the company
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
im married to his sister and also are a partner
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

What about writing a contract this afternoon for this employee....he has to sign and follow terms or his role is changed. It simply doesn't make sense to give someone this much power who is mentally ill and inconsistent in attendance and hours of work.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
is a good idea but hard to make him sign something because he then go to his mother for help!!
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Are his mother and father (now deceased) the individuals who started the business? If so, will the mother be included on the meeting today? Or are they aware of the severity of the situation?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
we plan first to plan what to do these afternon and then have a second meeting with mother and my wife with our alternatives
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
his father was a partner and start the business
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
we had these type of meeting couple of times a couple of years ago. They know the problem but is very hard for them to make hard decisions
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
he is a great manipulator ��
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

It sounds like he is a complete handful and the family simply turns away to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation. Are they aware of his illness and have a clear understanding of what it means and what his limitations are? From a psychiatric perspective, Personality Disorders rarely stand alone....no doubt he is struggling with more than that.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
i dont think they understand exacly what he have
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

This would be extremely helpful for them to understand.....it is only then they will realize his limitations.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
ok. I will work on that. do you have any good artitles on the subject ?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
what the terapist say is that he has a very low level of comprehencion of reality and narcisism
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
that make frustration and disorentation with reality
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Did the therapist give him a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Or, Antisocial Personality Disorder? Just want to ensure you I send you the correct information.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
he sayd he had both
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

Oh my. You have your hands full.

This article explains NPD well: https://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/

This article explains APD well: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder-symptoms/

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
tks
Expert:  Therapist Leslie replied 5 months ago.

I hope your meeting goes well today. I wish you the best of luck.

I gently request you provide a star rating for me. Of course, we can continue to talk after the rating is provided.

Please take good care of yourself and feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Warm regards,

Therapist Leslie