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TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2744
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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What can I do my 1year old is going with her dad that just

Customer Question

What can I do my 1year old is going with her dad that just started to see her and started every other weekend about a month ago and only had her 4-6 days and all shes done is cry about the whole time he says well she will have to learn it kills me and worred about her being gone for the whole week what can I do to help her are phone calls a good thing and what can it do to her mental and any thing long term and could she loose trust with her dad
Submitted: 4 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 months ago.

I am sorry to hear of your pain around this. the best you and her Dad can do is to make her feel safe whether she is with you or with him. Make sure she has her favorite things with her when she goes, a t shirt that smells like you and a picture of you. she is so young that it is hard for her to understand any of this but providing consistency and constancy is what will help her best. If this is handled well by both of you and you don't play our your issues with one another then she can do just fine. You may want to face time with her and tuck her in and tel her she is safe and loved by mommy and daddy.

Customer: replied 4 months ago.
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Customer: replied 4 months ago.
What signs do I watch for when separation axenty for my 1 year old is not normal couse as of right now I can't leave the room she cries and won't stop when someone she sees everyday even if there is another child her age is holding her even if I'm sitting in the same room and cries more when I leave she wakes up scarred all through the night and since she has gone to see her dad eveyother weekend a month ago she started to bang her head on anything and everything like cement floors wood floors my head shoulders coffee tables and corners and edges of the coffee table her dad said well she going to learn to me that's pritty cold since she don't know him to well is there a time frame to go on with the days and time they cry before the should be brought back to the comfort place
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 months ago.

This is normal for this age...around this time babies have developed object permanency meaning she can hold onto you and feel when you are not there and then this is where stranger anxiety comes in. All babies go through it and this is part of normal development.

Separate from that if she is banging her head on things she is communicating that she is in distress and needs some comfort. I would seek some face to face professional help to have you and your ex sit together with the professional to get the best support for all so that she can begin to feel safe. She can feel safe and you both need to be on board with the plan. Right now it is a change for her and she is reacting with the head banging to show her distress because she doesn't have the words yet to communicate...this is what babies do. But we want to nip that so she can feel safe and calm and maybe give your ex the skills to help calm her and have her feel okay with the change and not being with you during these weekends.

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