I believe that I am suffering from sexual OCD. About four/five years ago, when I was 13, just hitting puberty, I started experiencing symptoms, I had started to convince myself that I was a pedophile, or that I was going to be a rapist, or that I was going to hurt people, that I might have been gay, and at some point I started to even question bestiality. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts and I would have groinal responses, which made it worse. Physically I had a reaction to it, but mentally I hated it and it caused a lot of anguish. It caused me a lot of anxiety
and eventually I started to feel suicidal as I felt that it was the only way to avoid hurting people. I never sought treatment because I didn't know that this was a disorder, I just thought I actually was a pedophile, future rapist, etc, and I was afraid to ask for help on something so taboo. Eventually these thoughts and the anxiety went away, but on occasion I would still think about it and totally break down. Even though I wasn't thinking about it as often there was still a part of myself that was totally terrified. Usually, I felt ok. A few days ago I discovered that sexual ocd existed and that I met most of the symptoms I saw online. At first I was so relieved, but since discovering this, I've been thinking about it more and starting to obsess again. I've been really anxious, it keeps me up at night, wakes me up in the middle of the night, and is the first thing I think of in the morning. I've started feeling the groinal responses, I think just in response to the anxiety (I think due to the connection I formed when I was 13, that sexual feelings come with a large amount of anxiety), because I haven't been fantasizing or thinking about the topics of obsession. I need advice on how to calm myself down and what to do.