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LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 308
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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Peace be on you, I think I have anxiety pretty badly.

Customer Question

Hi,
Peace be on you,
I think I have anxiety pretty badly. I have been really mean to my sister because of imitation. Before when she used to imitate I used to keep it to myself, I just don;t how to talk about it to someone, and no one seems to notice, now after like four years maybe, I begin to talk on the bathroom and wall behind so that she can hear me, and I do mention it a lot, I can;t tell that in front of her, I a literally scared of her or I might just mumble go crazy. She pretends like she didn't hear anything, or done anything, and continues the same way, also complains to her husband about how weird I am. I know I am, I hate my brain. I know what I do hurts her sometimes badly too, I am such a horrible person. I know its maybe mostly, but not all my fault. She imitates in the same exact detail (words,gesture, habits, jokes, reactions). I jusr remain sad hurt, no one should feel this way. Its just my brain, it replays what she imitated contnuously, and tells me i am copying her or 'that's her you're not like that anymore' i have so much trouble doing the thing or habit or say the same thing from my heart again like i did before. I feel like i lose the person i am. I have been depressed for other reasons before too, I used to hurt myself. Now i just want to stop my brain replaying and replacing what i did and let me be the person i am, not alter. I don't blame my sister much, I blame myself., my brain. I can't sleep, I cry and cry sometimes, I can't study, i can't do the usual things i always do, her imitaion keeps replaying in my head. Maybe this may sound like a weak issue, but i am not strong enough to handle something like this. I really need help, I want my normal habits backs, I want to be myself, not constantly remember what she copied and fight mentally to get it back and I know she'll imitate more and more, by the one i feel a little better, she imitates again, sometimes about the same thing. It hurts me very much, I have lost my identity.
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
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Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 7 months ago.
Hello: Thank you for writing to us. My Name is ***** ***** i'd like to help. I can hear how frustrated and sad you are in your post. It sounds like you are really consumed with the notion of your sister copying you to the point where you feel like you cannot even be yourself anymore because she has taken that from you. This is not a "weak" issue and you have struggled with pain for a long time. I am glad you reached out. May I ask, have you ever talked to a mental health professional about the anxiety you refer to, or about the issues you have with your sister? It seems like you have some clarity that much of the issues you suffer with are because of your overly active brain. Struggling with the feeling like you can't control your own thoughts and feelings (and behaviors) is common in people who struggle with anxiety. Also, anxious minds often overthink things to the point where there becomes blurring between what your mind believes and what is actually reality. In other words, anxious people tend to think about things more emotionally and sometimes don't see things objectively. Anxiety also can cause us to ruminate on the same things over and over and unfortunately, the more we do this, the more the worry/thought sticks and the more it haunts us. Sometimes, it can be rue that someone who struggled with intrusive or invasive and unwanted thoughts suffers from OCD. Many people who have anxiety also have OCD and there is a type of OCD which involves thoughts alone and not behaviors. OCD does cause thoughts/worries/behaviors/etc. to become stuck as well making it hard to get escape from them. So in a nutshell, I do agree with you that your anxiety may be a large factor in this situation which is impacting both your thinking about it and your behavior but i also wonder if you have a component of OCD that causes you to replay this issue with your sister over and over and leads you to believe that you are a horrible person when you are not. The good news is that treatment for anxiety and OCD exist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is extremely effective in helping a person understand how their thought processes effect their behavior and vis-versa and can help teach us how to overcome the negative thinking that has caused us problems in the past. There is even more specialized treatment for OCD called exposure and response prevention which involves getting really up close and personal with your ruminations so they eventually lose their power. A good therapist can do wonders for someones and could impact both of these areas. Also, medications can significantly help with anxiety as well allowing people to feel less "stuck" with their thoughts and allowing them to feel more comfort, peace, and control. If you haven't yet, talking to your primary care doctor about your anxiety would be a good place to start. -Leah
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 6 months ago.
Hello: I just wanted to check in with you to see how things have been going. Hopefully things have gotten a little better since you posted here. i remain available if you wish to follow-up. -Leah

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