Peace be on you,
I think I have anxiety
pretty badly. I have been really mean to my sister because of imitation. Before when she used to imitate I used to keep it to myself, I just don;t how to talk about it to someone, and no one seems to notice, now after like four years maybe, I begin to talk on the bathroom and wall behind so that she can hear me, and I do mention it a lot, I can;t tell that in front of her, I a literally scared of her or I might just mumble go crazy. She pretends like she didn't hear anything, or done anything, and continues the same way, also complains to her husband about how weird I am. I know I am, I hate my brain. I know what I do hurts her sometimes badly too, I am such a horrible person. I know its maybe mostly, but not all my fault. She imitates in the same exact detail (words,gesture, habits, jokes, reactions). I jusr remain sad
hurt, no one should feel this way. Its just my brain, it replays what she imitated contnuously, and tells me i am copying her or 'that's her you're not like that anymore' i have so much trouble doing the thing or habit or say the same thing from my heart again like i did
before. I feel like i lose the person i am. I have been depressed for other reasons before too, I used to hurt myself. Now i just want to stop my brain replaying and replacing what i did and let me be the person i am, not alter. I don't blame my sister much, I blame myself., my brain. I can't sleep, I cry and cry sometimes, I can't study, i can't do the usual things i always do, her imitaion keeps replaying in my head. Maybe this may sound like a weak issue, but i am not strong enough to handle something like this. I really need help, I want my normal habits backs, I want to be myself, not constantly remember what she copied and fight mentally to get it back and I know she'll imitate more and more, by the one i feel a little better, she imitates again, sometimes about the same thing. It hurts me very much, I have lost my identity.