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LeahMSWuofm, Clinical Social Worker
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 235
Experience:  10 years post-MSW experience
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I dont really know how to start this.. i am a 24yr old

Customer Question

Hi, i dont really know how to start this.. i am a 24yr old with 2 children, my partner and i have been together for 9 yrs and i feel like we both have givin up on each other. My partner works away alot and i feel like a single mum. I do not have the patience nor the sex drive to even want to be around him anymore. We argue over everything and im sick of focusing on the future. Im all about whats happening rite now. I think we are just better off without each other but i want to be 100% sure if im done or not.. what do i do ??
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 6 months ago.
Hello, my name is***** you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear you are questioning the fate of your relationship. If you are still not sure about your decision, one thing I might suggest is you enter into counseling to help you think through your thoughts and feelings with another person. Not only can they help you problem-solve, but a counselor could help you better understand the large amount of factors you are considering so you make the most informed decision. I do not mean that you need extensive counseling but even 2 or 3 sessions with another person may help you feel confident that you are making the right choice one way or the other.I do want to add that many people who are at a turning point in the relationship question their decisions. This indecision is a natural part of thinking things through that are very complicated. I do agree that it is important to live in the moment and it sounds like you have been with this man long enough to know whether or not a future is bright for you two. However, making a decision solely based on a present rough patch in a relationship can lead to regrets, especially when there are children involved, because partnerships are full of up and downs. The ability to weather them is a good indicator of strength. But if this is more than just a rough patch and your feelings of question over this relationship have been longer standing, as a big consideration and more indicative that you may be better off ending things.Lastly, communication in relationships is absolutely key. Unfortunately, as stress bills and things get rocky, communication between partners is often the 1st thing to go out the window. If you exit this relationship without making it clear to your partner how you feel, you may ultimately feel like there was some lack of resolution. Sometimes, couples counseling can be a wonderful thing to help with communication and also to help you to figure out whether or not this situation is resolvable. Couples counseling is not necessarily meant to keep the relationship together either but sometimes can be very valuable considering there are children involved so should you end the relationship, it is done on a note of understanding and acceptance.I am sorry you are facing this decision but I hope this helps. You are young and have a long life ahead of you so I do strongly believe that if you really know you are in the wrong relationship and no longer wish to be, you will be better off in the long run if you exit it before too much more of your time is invested. While no relationship is perfect, many, many relationships are hugely satisfying and we are entitled to seek these out and not remain stuck in ones that aren't less than we desrve.Please let me know if you have follow-up concerns or questions to add.Sincerely,Leah
Expert:  LeahMSWuofm replied 5 months ago.
Hello, I just wanted to check in to see how things are going in regards ***** ***** question you posed to us last week. -Leah

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