Please help me. Do I have OCD or a Reason to want this couch back????
I cannot figure out my true feelings about this. I want to know if I want this couch, because I truly want it/and have a real reason to want it back, or because I have ocd about it. My family had this big orange couch when I was a baby. Most of my baby pictures have that couch in it, people held me while sitting on the couch, my toddler pictures are near the couch. I did
flips on the cushions. I have nostalgic memories. I am not a hoarder, but do get attached to stuff once in a while. I have a highly sensitive personality. I have been strengthening my muscles on getting rid of stuff over the years. I have improved so much and feel like mentally I have been becoming stronger this last year. My mom told me she was going to be cleaning out. I told her I do not want to get rid of two floral couches. She agreed. I never said anything about the orange couch. I still can't figure out why I didn't speak up when I had the chance, because I could've told her it REALLY bothered me then, but it was just festering. I wasn't REALLY bothered by the thought of getting rid of it in the beginning, but I think my subconscious was, and I wasn't aware of it yet. I did ask her if she was getting rid of the orange couch, and she was very demanding in her yes. I didn't say much back, but I told her that I am getting better at getting rid of stuff, but JUST DON'T PUSH MY LIMITS. That's all I ask of you. I take steps back in my personal growth if my limits are pushed. I feel like I am consistently climbing stairs but if something that pushes my limits gets thrown at me, I go back down the stairs a ways. I didn't want that to happen, but it did. I didn't really say that I wanted that couch, but over the next 24 hrs. I started getting ocd thoughts about why the orange couch was important to me and it was driving me nuts.
It felt like obsessive little voices talking to me like, "your baby pictures are ruined because of the loss of this couch will remind you when you look at them, you're never going to feel the same, this will hijack your mind, you will take 10 steps back in your mental health you built on this past year and now you'll have to start from scratch, my favorite show is Friends, and the couch looks identical, it would be a cool family photoshoot, why don't we just get rid of everything then?, I wish someone could understand my feelings, why am I being tormented, it is just sitting in the shed, we have other things down there, what's the harm of it being there if it helps me feel secure?, shut up brain, why can't I be normal, maybe I have legitimate reasons to still want this? ugh!" etc, etc, all in like 5 minutes time over and over.
My parents got it out and almost ready to load. I told my mom inside that I have been feelings about getting rid of it. I told her I was having ocd thoughts and it was really bothering me to get rid of it. She said it was too late. I heard her say to my dad, "She wants to keep the couch" thinking there was some hope, but they loaded it up. I got so overwhelmed that I started crying and ran outside saying, "you're really getting rid of it?" I wish I talked in a better manner, but I mostly just said, "you don't know what it's like to have ocd or to be attached to things! You and dad do not know what it feels like to have my brain. You don't even try to put yourself in my shoes." My mom and dad don't have sensitive emotions at all. Complete opposite of me. They just stared at me and it HURT! They got rid of it. We store a lot of stuff anyway, what's it going to hurt to store the couch?
It also hurt that I felt disrespected in that they just stared at me blankly. I want to feel empathized with and understood and loved. So, that incident right there made it worse. It has been a few days and my thoughts have not backed down. I told my mom who is my best friend that I am having mind problems about this. She said some really nice things in the beginning that helped me but yesterday She was rude and got mad at me saying it's just a stupid couch and you keep bringing it up.
It's not my fault. I think it is bothering me that my dad dumped it in his junk pile that is over in the field a few miles away. I keep telling myself that I want someone to go get it and bring it back. Would you recommend this thought or should I let it go? Should I try to get it back?
Do I have OCD or something else? I know I have OCD about the situation, but I feel like OCD thoughts flair up when I feel my environment or my self worth is threatened. I think that happened and now I have OCD thoughts. But at the basis, is it okay to just want to keep the couch that was sitting in the playhouse shed? Is that normal or do you think I'm just ocd. I'm very in touch with my emotions and analyze a lot. I want to understand myself. I am very aware and very into self help. I have a deep desire to understand my thoughts about this. I cannot understand myself