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DrThomasMD
DrThomasMD, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 64004
Experience:  MD, BA psychology, Emphasis on addictions, depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc.
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I'm finding it more and more difficult to cope with my 39

Customer Question

I'm finding it more and more difficult to cope with my 39 year old daughter who lives at home and displays symptoms of a personality disorder but thinks there is nothing wrong with her.
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Customer: Stays in her room most of the time – only comes out for meals or if she’s going outDoesn’t associate with the rest of the familyWon’t speak to father or brother unless she really has toWon’t stay in the same room as father & brotherSpends a lot of time in bed during the dayIs up quite a lot of the night – says she can’t sleepHas repeated “migraines”Won’t throw anything awayWon’t get rid of old carRoom like a tip – can’t find things – won’t tidy it – doesn’t seem to know howWhen she can’t find something, she goes out and buys newOnly has one real friendMust be very lonelyFor around the last 10 years, has only had pantomime jobs of about 5 weeksSays she applies for other jobs but never gets any interviewsSays she’s tried to get a voluntary job but none of the charity shops need anyoneNever gets asked back to the same companySeems impossible to have a rational conversation with herHas been asked to leave everywhere she’s livedDoesn’t pay billsDoesn’t take responsibility for her actions – everything always someone else’s faultDoesn’t contributeWill only help around the house if asked repeatedly – doesn’t see why she shouldIs very secretive
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  DrThomasMD replied 1 year ago.

Hello

This is not necessarily personality disorder

IT can be depression.

It can be bi polar.

She needs to see a psychiatrist right away.

To approach this, I would mention that the family is very concerned and that she can not really give a medical evaluation of herself.

This could even be hypothyrodism, which when severe, has psychological effects.

She could thus start with her regular doctor, who can do testing and refer her as needed.

OK, so you might have more questions or want to give me more information: Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent—that’s how we are paid, per rating]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She refuses to see a doctor or psychiatrist as she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her. She has been exhibiting these behaviours for around 20 years and both my husband (her father) and I are at the end of our tether. She lives at home with us (and her brother) so we have no respite from the situation. I can't help thinking that the situation would be easier to handle if she didn't live with us, but although she doesn't want to live with us, she refuses to move out and she doesn't have the means to support herself. We have tried talking to the doctor ourselves, but this gets us nowhere, as we are always told, "She is an adult" and therefore they can do nothing unless she approaches them herself.
Expert:  DrThomasMD replied 1 year ago.

In fact, if it is determined she is a danger to herself or others, she can be admitted and assessed in the hospital involuntarily.

Short of that she cannot.

I suggest that you are at the point of a decision, and that you should seek guidance yourselves, in person, from a family therapist who has worked with families in this situation.

A referral from your GP would be useful.

Then you can come to terms with any decision you might need to make.

OK, so you might have more questions or want to give me more information: Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent—that’s how we are paid, per rating]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your responses. I'd like to say that they've helped but I'm afraid they haven't.
Expert:  DrThomasMD replied 1 year ago.

This will take work on your part, and therapy for your family.

Currently, you are unable to make necessary decisions

For example, live with it, have her committed, make her live on her own if she thinks there is nothing wrong with her.

Any of these might change her situation.

Or, even starting therapy yourselves and inviting her until she comes with you, and might listen to the therapist.

Those are what I see as the options.

These are recommendations we make daily in medicine.

OK, so you might have more questions or want to give me more information: Please use reply to expert if you have further questions. When you are ready, please click a positive rating [hopefully excellent—that’s how we are paid, per rating]. If you forgot something, come back. I am here daily.

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