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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1372
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My wife and I helped to move her mom next door to us, we

Customer Question

My wife and I helped to move her mom next door to us, we live in the country, plenty of room. mom and daughter do NOT get along and after 5 or six months ,my wife started to become distant. I came home from work one day and my wife met me outside and said she wasn't happy and hadn't been for six months, about the same time her mom moved next door, I knew something was bothering her but I thought it was her mom. By 7 oclock that evening she had left to go stay with a girlfriend and her husband. I do not think she is having an affair and I am not either. We have been married 10 years and have always worked together at everything we do. She now has been gone for 6 weeks but has come home for a day or two but doesn't want to stay. I have offered to go to counseling with her or by myself but she still refuses. She is 49 and I am 59. I work a job in the nearby town we don't make a lot of money, but have been able for her to stay at home. She says she wants to be with her friends and seems to pick them over me, some of them I have not met and she wont tell me the address of the house where she is staying, says it is her safe place where she can go and have no responsibility. I am not a violent person and have never raised a hand to hurt her or harm her in any way. She has a son that is 19, a good kid not ever been in trouble, he is away at collage but knows what is going on, he is very hurt and like me does not understand. My wife told me that I have said some things in bed and other places that have hurt her feelings. I have apologized repeatedly and assured her that those things wont ever happen again and they wont, but she just doesn't seem to want to work on saving oure marriage. I am at a complete loss as to what to do next, When we talk on the phone or text she says she still loves me and always will and I am the same.
JA: The Psychologist will need to help you with this. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: I have told her that I do not want to be part time husband and I don't want a part time wife. Also have told her that I will give her time to figure this all out. She is not able to support herself, no job, but has several applications out. I have also told her that she means everything to me and I am lost without her.
JA: I'm sending you to a secure page on JustAnswer so you can place the $5 fully refundable deposit now. While you're filling out that form, I'll tell the Psychologist about your situation and connect you two.
Submitted: 8 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 8 months ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are having this difficulty with your spouse, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Unfortunately it sounds like you are doing everything right by suggesting counseling, trying to communicate with her, and trying to spend time with her. At this point she is making the choice to not work on this marriage with you and to continue this distance between the two of you. Because she is the only one in control of her actions, she has to decide to reach out to you and work on repairing this marriage, but since she is not willing to do that at this time I would recommend that you consider giving her more space and not contacting her. This will push her to contact you and possibly really put in the effort to repair this marriage as it takes both of you to do so and so far you are the only one willing to save this marriage from your description.

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