*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello and thank you for using justanswer. I am very sorry that you are having this difficulty with trying to figure out why you cannot stop thinking about this man. Truthfully the possibilities on why you cannot stop thinking about him are numerous and because I have not assessed you or seen you in a therapeutic setting it would be impossible for me to narrow down the reason why you cannot stop thinking about this man. It is possible that while you may have apologized to him, subconsciously you still have not resolved all of your feelings for him and the history you shared because the simple act of apology is only superficial and you may not have addressed the deeper issues. Another possibility is that there may be aspects of him or your relationship with him that you truly miss and wish your husband had. Can I ask have you considered undergoing any form of individual therapy to get at the root cause of this issue and to help you understand why you are thinking about him now after all these years?
Thank you for your response Kelly. Typically couples therapy will start off "bad" at first because that is when all the issues get laid out on the table so it can be frustrating and startling to some, but it does get better in subsequent sessions. But because this is an issue within you and I believe you would like to discuss it privately, I would recommend individual therapy to try to get at the deeper issues her and help determine why these thoughts are occurring now. Most likely your subconscious is telling you something, but I doubt it is a resurfacing of your old feelings for this man and most likely this is the way your subconscious is expressing your unhappiness or dissatisfaction with your current marriage.
I hope this helps to provide you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns as I would be happy to continue assisting you regarding this issue.
*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.