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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10582
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I'm madly in love with my girlfriend and she is in love with

Customer Question

I'm madly in love with my girlfriend and she is in love with me but we argue a ton so much so that my chest hurts what can I do to stop the arguing
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. You are asking a pretty open-ended question as there is no one way to truly end a consistent pattern of arguing and definitely not something that can be done over night. What do you two argue about typically? Have you thought about going to couples counseling for this issue?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I feel like the arguments start from basic or small stuff and then they grow into these big debates in my head if whether this is gonna work out or not and I can not see life without her. We just recently started dating so no counseling yet.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well I can obviously not speak for your partner and neither can you because you can only control your own actions and behaviors, just like she is the only one in control of her own actions. So lets focus on what you can do to help lessen these arguments and hopefully she will reciprocate. I would recommend starting to work with something called an anger decision sheet to help you better process your frustration and not let it get out of control. This type of worksheet is something you practice on your own and the try to incorporate it in your life and it will help you to express any anger and frustration you have in a more calm and assertive manner, or it will help you to let things go and move forward.

http://psychology.tools/anger-decision-sheet.html

In addition, you may also want to consider working on something called a Though Record for yourself. You build things up in your mind and automatically go to the negative, this type of exercise will help you to focus more on the objective side of the situation instead of the negative. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.

http://psychology.tools/cbt-thought-record.html

Lastly you can try to take breaks from arguments using relaxation techniques to help you calm down, clear your head, and refocus so that you do not let the argument lead you more down the same path and instead it will help you to better take control.

http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf

http://psychology.tools/relaxed-breathing.html

Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns as I would be happy to continue assisting you regarding this issue.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I hope this helps to provide you some guidance on this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

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