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Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are experiencing these symptoms, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. It sounds like you may be experiencing symptoms of a traumatic disorder given the flashbacks and somatic symptoms you described. Have you considered entering into therapy with a psychologist or therapist to help you process this trauma and loss in order to help you move forward?
Guilt is common with traumatic disorders as you try to blame yourself as a way to rationalize and cope with the trauma/loss. Also flashbacks are a hallmark symptom of a traumatic disorder as well, which is why I think you are most likely suffering from this type of disorder. Given how long you have struggled with these symptoms, you most likely would benefit from either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) as these two therapy modalities are specific in treating traumatic disorders.
Please let me know if you have any other questions or concerns as I would be happy to continue assisting you regarding this issue.
Your father passing away can be considered traumatic. Also some people would consider their parents missing their wedding as a traumatic event as well. Trauma is considered subjective to the individual and does not have to be life threatening or causing bodily harm.