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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I am a 60 year women taking care of my 62 year husband that

Customer Question

I am a 60 year women taking care of my 62 year husband that had a major stroke in 2008. he is totally dependent on me for all need, he can not talk walk or even get out of bed. He is has been under hospice care for 5 months now. Not because It truly believe that the doctors feel he is going to die any minute but because no one knows what to do for him. He has many issues due to the stroke. Anyway I find myself wondering what my life is going to be like if he dies and thinking it won't be any better than it is now. No I won't have to feed him, change his diaper constantly worry about him. But because I an his total care I have lost all outside contact. I don't leave the house for weeks at a time. When I do sneak out to get groceries I worry the hold time that something could happen and I won't be there for him and I also resent him for it. I can't get past the question of why are we still alive. I just can't figure out what good we are for the world. My biggest concern is I feel like I just want to lay down and not get up and I think I would but no one would be here for my husband and I can't do that to him. No one knows how much he understands. What do I do? Maybe there are no answers.
Submitted: 10 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you and your husband are in this situation, I can understand how distressing this can be for you and for him. What you are asking is not something any one person can really answer since some of the questions are more existential. It is good that you are asking these questions as they help you process what life will be like after your husband does pass away. I would like to ask have you considered entering into individual therapy or attending support groups for caregivers of family members like yourself? Some of these questions you are asking are more something that only you can answer since we all judge our lives differently and that means what we are meant to do with this life is up to the individual...so you will have to determine your own path once your husband does pass away. I know you cannot get out of the house, but have you also considered online support groups to help you through this difficult time? Therapy and support groups can be an excellent resource to help you cope and move forward with your life currently and after your husband passes away. I know you are experiencing a lot of depressive symptoms currently and there is a sense of hopelessness, but therapeutic support can help you to overcome this and help you see that your life is worth something and that there is more to life than what you see right now.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 10 months ago.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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