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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My husband does not want sex. Sometimes he wants to have sex

Customer Question

My husband does not want sex. Sometimes he wants to have sex more then others but no more then once every three months is his normal. Currently we have not had sex successfully sense April when he had a vasectomy. We have only tried twice sense the vasectomy last April. He has gone to a doctor and they won't don't tests on him, they just tell him to loose weight. My husband is 6'3 and currently about 280lbs and he doesn't seem to want it all. What can we do? He isn't comfortable talking about it and he has tried to give me poor excuses i the past and I dot know what to do. Please assist with where or what I should do.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am sorry that your husband has a low libido and does not want to engage in sexual intercourse with you. I am not sure why his doctors refuse to do any tests on him, but because this issue started to occur around the time of his vasectomy leads one to believe that this is a physical issue and may not be a mental health issue. Your husband needs to find a urologist to perform the adequate tests on him including testing for blood flow to the penis and testicles and hormone levels. If physically he is fine, than his doctor may be able to prescribe either Wellbutrin or Requip which are medications that can increase Dopamine levels and increase sexual libido as well. I do agree that your husband does need to lose weight though as obesity can cause sexual dysfunction issues including low libido. If your husband starts to do more cardio and weight training this will also increase levels of testosterone which will increase libido. Ultimately though he needs to find a doctor, preferably a Urologist, to perform the appropriate tests to determine what can be the cause of these issues and then to approach treatment accordingly.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
This is not a new thing sense his vasectomy. He has always had a low libido and this is not the first time sense our marriage of 14 years that he has gone 3 moths up to a year in a half with out wanting intercourse. I agree I need to find a doctor but I can not find one that does not solely focus on his weight and don't know how to find one. How do I find a doctor? I do think it is a mental issue as well as he will run from the house when I try to talk to him and he tells me that just talking about it makes him very uncomfortable.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Sorry I misunderstood, I though you stated that this issue started after the vasectomy. Because this has been an ongoing issue than it could be a mental health issue, I would recommend that he see a psychiatrist for the medications I recommended and also that you both consider going to a Sex Therapist for Couples Therapy. Here is a good link to finding a Certified Sex Therapist in your area. This website means that they accomplished post-graduate training in Sex Therapy, so they went beyond the qualifications of their professional degree.

https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory

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