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Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are having these issues in regards ***** ***** you feel about your body. I would highly recommend that you start to enter into either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) with a psychologist as you do appear to be suffering from a mix of Depression and Body Dysmorphia. In addition, you may need a medication adjustment as well so please go to your doctor and tell him/her your symptoms and you should receive the appropriate adjustment to your medications to help lessen these symptoms. Right now you definitely need to consider therapy so that you can overcome this Body Dysmorphia and Depression and to help you accept who you are inside and on the outside.