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Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. May I ask, what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation?
I understand that you are having problems with your husband and that he is not putting in the effort to recognize your emotions or well being, but remember this is a Q&A website only so what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation?
No I would not say unstable. Emotionally unstable means one is not in control of their emotions and typically will have a barrage of mood swings. Your description of him appears to be more cold and apathetic
Without actually having met your husband or understanding the core issues of his lack of emotion, I would say that a good first start would be for both of you to go to couples therapy. Sometimes the use of a couples therapist can help your husband better understand how you are feeling and can help improve his recognition and the communication between the two of you. But he has to make the choice and effort in therapy to help repair this marriage as you cannot do this alone
The books that I would recommend and have used with patients would be :
"Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy " by Beck
"The Couples Therapy Companion: A Cognitive Behavior Workbook" by Grieger
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert " by Gottman and Silver
"Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work" by McKay, Fanning, Paleg
If your husband is purposefully acting this way than I would say that it is an emotionally abusive relationship, but if these are signs of a greater problem within him than I would say that his emotional coldness could be a possible Developmental Disorder or Personality Disorder that he has to treat, but again I cannot diagnose him without a face to face evaluation.
Schizoid Personality Disorder would cover this behavior, but it is rare as are all personality disorders. And yes he could have developed this behavior from his father.
*I will be stepping away for an hour or two because of a prior appointment so I will get back to any responses you have at that time. Thank you