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Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. Unfortunately it sounds like your son is being manipulated by his wife against you and your husband, but the only way for him to break out of that would be if he chooses to contact you. Remember you are only in control of your own actions and behaviors, just like he is the only one that has control of his actions. Is there any way you can try to contact him indirectly like through another family member or family friend? Or can you email him directly to his own personal account?
It is definitely up to your son to respond to your inquiries as you cannot force him or that will only push him away. I know this is very difficult for you and I wish there was a better way, but the choice has to be his alone to make.
Also what about having a family member or friend of the family try to talk to your son?