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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10566
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have 3 names, one I use at work but not at home, second

Customer Question

I have 3 names, one I use at work but not at home, second name named after my mother who has now passed, used only by my sisters, there name was made up by older sister, it sounded like my mothers name but spelt very different and I used this name at school and family call me that name. But since it's not a legal name I use my first name at work only. The whole building work place only know me by my first name which I am not fond of because it's too common. I legally changed my name to my 3rd name a few years ago, all documents have been changed but not work - HR is not aware and I just started to get major anxiety over it and look soon time off work to think things over. My mind is now telling me to go by my mothers name. I am very confused at this point and I'm in my 50. What would you do in my case. I'm rejecting the third name because it's made up even though it's a beautiful name and I've had it for over 40years I just can't except or adjust seeing it on legal papers and I need to get rid of this anxiety over this. I have lost my way in my senior years. Please help me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are undergoing this level of anxiety. It would be best for you to continue to try to accept your third name since that is the one you have chosen for yourself. You may benefit from writing your name down in a journal with a different description of yourself. For instance you can say "***** is smart" or "***** is very funny" or "***** went to the store today." Overall this is just a name, it does not define who you are as the substance of your inner being is still the same and a name change has not impacted that. So if you can still see yourself as the same person, you may better adjust to your name. In addition relaxation exercises and Mindfulness can help to lessen your anxiety as well because it helps you to accept your name and not feel as overwhelmed by it.

http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf

http://psychology.tools/relaxed-breathing.html

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

How do i find the strength to tell my co-workers whom ive known for 14 years to call me by my new name....this is very ackward and very unsettling to me causing me great anxiety.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

If you accept who you are and your name than you will find the strength to tell others. Try to do that first than tell others. You can also start to tell close friends at work and your boss, so as they gradually start to call you by your name it will sound familiar to you and others, then others (whom you did not tell) will start to call you by this third name as well. You do not have to go about it all at once, this can be gradual and slow to help put you at ease.