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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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A friend of mine just opened up to me with this situation -

Customer Question

a friend of mine just opened up to me with this situation - "me and my girlfriend just had a baby and we also live with her mom and step dad temporarily to save up some money. but I have recently found out that her step dad molested her when she was younger and while he no longer molests her he manipulates her in different ways. supposedly the mother isn't aware of any of it. i don't know how to deal with the step dad now, me being a man, and my girlfriend doesnt want me making a big deal out of it. what should I do?"
Submitted: 12 months ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. May I ask, how does he manipulate her...some examples may be helpful here? Also has she sought any type of counseling after the molestation either as an adult or an adolescent?

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
he constantly asks her for money because his wife (her mother) tells him no, the wife (mother) is the "bread winner". he also asks her (my girlfriend) to go out of her way to do things for him like let dogs out, just things like to control her.
Customer: replied 12 months ago.
she has not gotten any counseling
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.

Thank you for your response. Truthfully this is a very disturbing situation and one that could prove to be unhealthy for your friend and his girlfriend as she may have a flashback episode and relapse with possible PTSD symptoms from being in the vicinity of her step father. I understand the need to save money in this day and age, but I would recommend that they try to move out as soon as possible because this is not something your friend can just get over. Any rational person in a similar situation as your friend would be disgusted and angry with this step-father and it would be a perfectly acceptable response. Also the controlling and manipulative behavior is only a start, it will probably get worse and may even evolve into angry out bursts and guilt trips towards her and your friend too. So I would recommend your friend, his girlfriend, and their child move out as soon as feasibly possible, even if it is somewhat of a burden financially because your friend will always be on his guard in a protective manner with his girlfriend and their child from this man given what he knows now. Also like I said there is a greater possibility of her relapsing and getting a flashback from being around her step-father, which would be bad as well. If your friend knew about this beforehand he would never have agreed to move in, and that would have been the right choice.

Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

Customer: replied 12 months ago.
thank you for your - how much do I owe for this?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 12 months ago.

You are most welcome. I am just happy to help. I believe you already deposited your money so all you have to do is leave a positive rating to successfully close this question. Thank you it is much appreciated.