*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. I am very sorry that you are struggling with this issue regarding your wife and your emotional well being. Have you considered going to a therapist to help you process all of this adversity and to help you move forward?
It sounds likes you need systematic treatment through therapy to truly overcome this, so that is not something that can be substituted through this simple Q&A website. I can recommend that you could look into taking natural supplements like St. Johns Wort and Omega-3 as this will help to lessen some of your symptoms of depression/anxiety. The use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be of benefit to you as well. CBT has a premise that your symptoms are caused by negative thoughts, so if we change your thought process to be more positive and objective, then your symptoms will lessen as well. This is a good therapy that can help you to focus on the present and help you to better move forward with your life as well as CBT does not let you focus on the past since we cannot change the past.
So this link may help you, it contains a technique I use with patients called a thought record. It will help you keep track of any negative thoughts you have. You put the negative thought on paper, the emotion accompanying, the evidence to support it, and the evidence against it. Then I want you to come up with an alternative thought for the situation (more objective and plausible). This will help you change your way of thinking to be able to think more positive and not automatically go to a negative type of thinking.
In addition, these two worksheets are very good at helping to lessen negative type thinking. It can help you focus on the big picture and the objective/positive thoughts and outcomes.
In addition, the use of certain relaxation techniques can help to bring about a sense of inner calm and help you to not feel as overwhelmed too.
This is only a starting point though and in order for you to truly overcome all of this adversity, I would strongly recommend that you enter into therapy as soon as you can. Therapy will be long-term for several months, but it will help you to cope and to move forward in a healthier way.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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Unfortunately you personally cannot diffuse her lying behavior as that is on her. She is the only person in control of her actions, just like you are the only person in control of your actions, and that means she must make a choice to stop lying or a choice to get help for her behavior. Because she is choosing to deny that this is an issue or just lacks insight on it means her lying behavior will only continue. Most likely this is a deep seeded symptom that can be caused by a personality disorder, significant low self-esteem, or some other mental health disorder because pathological lying in itself is not a disorder, but a serious symptom of a bigger psychological issue.
I obviously cannot tell you what to do in this situation as this is a personal decision on what you feel is best for your mental health and your children. If you think that living in your current situation is bad and hurts your mental health than that can cause you to be less of a father to your children, so in the long run you may be doing what is best for you children by getting balanced mentally by moving to Arizona. It is a difficult decision and there are positive and negatives no matter what you decide, and from what I can see there is no right or wrong either.