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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My S.O. was diagnosed with paranoid delusional disorder

Customer Question

My S.O. was diagnosed with paranoid delusional disorder about a year and a half ago. We have been together 2 years. It has been a series of horrible break ups and then we get back together once he's come out of his episodes. At one point during the last break up he moved in with an ex and wound up having sex with her, which he blames on me making him feel not worth anything. Right now he's moved out again, says he has horrible ringing in his ears that only happens at my house. He came back last night but this morning said the ringing is back so it can't be tinnitus since it only happens around me and he will not come back home until I "tell them to knock it off". He just texted me that he is done with me. He thinks I'm working with people to "bring him down". Has accused me of putting something in his ear to cause the ringing and "damage" him, said I have a listening device in my ear and had me put water in my ears to prove I didn't, he's put cameras up in the house but moves them after I see them and ask about them. He's put a recorder somewhere and has me listen to the recordings, which just are me and the kids but he says he can hear a man in the background that I must've been video chatting with so there'd be no record on my phone of a call or text. Many accusations that I'm with another man, writing messages to this other man on the windows in the bathroom (I have never been with anyone else). Calls me a drug addict (I do not do drugs). Each time he says that I could prevent these episodes if I would talk to him more and convince him I love him. He's calls me a slut, manipulator, liar. He says that his psychiatrist told him I could stop his episodes as well and she was "angry" with me for not doing more to help him. Each time this happens I say that it has to be the last time but I keep letting him come back, asking him to come back because I love him and when he's doing well we're very happy. He's only been seeing a psychiatrist for a short time, was doing regular counseling for a while before that. Recently switched from Abilify to Seroquel, which I don't know if he's taking or not. Everything I've read both from professionals and from people with loved ones with this disorder says it is pretty much hopeless. I love him but I'm tired of hurting so much. And it breaks my heart to see him hurting because he truly believes all the things he's accusing me of. He had been having persecutory delusions for a few years before we met but the jealousy/cheating ones just with me. All of this is to ask if people with this disorder are ever able to have healthy relationships? Is it me or would he be this way with whoever he's in a relationship with? I feel like I've put up with so much in the hopes that he would get better but he's not and I'm starting to develop paranoia about trying to avoid things that might set him off. This current episode has been going on for over 3 weeks, which is the longest ever. I'm exhausted. Please help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for your question. Individuals with a psychotic disorder like you described can have healthy and well-adjusted relationships IF their symptoms are stable and they are taking they are responding to the medications. It sounds like your significant other is either not taking his medications on a daily basis as prescribed or is resistant to the medications and that is why he has not responded to them. If this is the case than unfortunately there is a very low chance that he will ever be able to have a successful and healthy relationship. This is definitely not on you and you should not think of yourself as the cause because his delusions and auditory hallucinations (e.g. ringing) will most likely be present in any relationship he is in. The only way to currently treat delusions and auditory hallucinations is through the antipsychotic medications so either he needs to try other antipsychotics in hopes that he will respond better or his psychiatrist needs to increase the dose of his current regimen to an effective level; this is of course dependent on if your partner is taking his medications on a regular basis. I know this is very hard for you, but your partner's mental health disorder is what is causing this behavior and relationship issues. This is not on you, but on the disorder itself.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

*Please do not forget to leave a positive rating at the top of the page so that I can get credit for helping you. Thank you, ***** ***** appreciate it.

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