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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Silent treatment isn't my go-to response. I've been in a

Customer Question

Silent treatment isn't my go-to response. I've been in a relationship for three years and have recently had an argument with my SO. (we never argue) I've been quiet for a few days not to punish him, but to spare him. I need to be with my thoughts and craft my words carefully. I'm angry. But I don't want to hurt him. He seems to think I'm enjoying this. That it's controlling. I'm trying to control myself. Not him. Thoughts?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for using just answer. Have you considered telling him that you only want to be alone with your thoughts and time to process and organize them? Have you tried to possibly write a letter to him as this may help you to organize your thoughts? Taking the time to think about what you want to say is important but also allowing yourself to calm down from your anger is a good strategy and maybe you just need to communicate that to him to help him understand what you are doing and that it is for you and the future discussion you two will have.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have tried to explain that I need to be with my thoughts and that, whether he believes it or not, it's to spare him from being hurt. He says words can't hurt nearly as much as the silence. I have not tried writing a letter. That may be helpful. I can organize, proof read, and edit to be sure that it's worded in a way that considers his feelings. Also, a good way to be sure that I address everything without getting sidetracked by his responses. Thank you
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

You are most welcome. You are doing the right thing but if he cannot understand that, it is on him. Hopefully a letter will make it clear for him and that he cannot push you to talk if you are not ready. I wish you and your partner all the best.