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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Iv been trying to make sense of whats going on in my head. I

Customer Question

Iv been trying for years to make sense of whats going on in my head for years. I went through a list of mental disorders and found none that described mine. So I figured all I can do is describe it to an expert. It feels as though my brain is attacking itself, sabotaging me and forcing me to do things I dont want to. Its as though its constantly trying to drain myself of happiness, empathy, and truth anytime I get my hands on it. its like a monster that just takes away from my mind, until I feel callous and empty. Most troubling of all is I have no idea what it is and why its doing what its doing. Its as though my minds trying to regress to a state prior to the trauma iv experienced. I seem to have no memory of anything painful, its like it just cleans out my brain completely until theres very little left. I feel like on the one hand I am trying to figure out why I am the way I am. But on the other hand when ever I get close to the answer or close to understanding whats REALLY going on, my brain very powerfully resists. Its like my brains tormenting me, its like I actually want to suffer with this strange disorder, whatever it is.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for using JustAnswer. May I ask, for how long have you had this issue? You stated "regress to a state prior to the trauma iv experienced." What trauma have you experienced exactly?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well that was only a guess, iv experienced trauma but I can't remember what was traumatic.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

And for how long exactly have you had this issue?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Id stay it started when I was around 11 or 12. Grade 7, and increasingly got worse.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Some how my brain is trying to avoid some sort of disaster it anticipates, but all seems to doing is just sabotaging any chance I have of living a normal life.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well it is definitely not a personality disorder and most likely not a developmental disorder from your description. So the most likely possibilities here would be a mood disorder such as Depression or Bipolar Disorder or if you have suffered from a trauma than PTSD. It is possible you may have blocked out the traumatic incident in a form of repression, and that can lead to these symptoms.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well one thing I noticed is I have many symptoms of a few personality disorders as well.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

A personality disorder would not start in someone so young though. Symptoms of a Personality Disorder have to first begin when the person is 18 years old, although there are exceptions for someone younger around 16 years old. Either way because your symptoms started at 11 or 12 years old suggests it is a mood disorder or a traumatic disorder.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well yes the symptoms I described in my initial question started when I was 11 or 12. But in terms of personality disorder symptoms it wasn't that long ago that I started seeing them.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I only saw one question. So what symptoms occurred when you were 11 or 12 and what symptoms occurred recently? A timeline of your symptoms will be helpful here

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No I didn't even bother mentioning the personality disorder symptoms because they aren't even the most troubling things I am dealing with.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I only listed the symptoms that are giving me the most trouble.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Than the symptoms you described are evidence of a mood disorder or a traumatic disorder if all the symptoms you mentioned started when you were 11 or 12.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just feel whats going on is way out of proportion and way too extreme for the level of trauma I experienced. I mean I know people who's parents died in a car crash when they were 5 and yet they are coping better then I am.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

The level of trauma is not a uniform measure as everyone deals with trauma differently. I can take two people who witnessed or experienced the same traumatic event and they will have different reactions to it. So you comparing your level of trauma to someone else is not possible as it all depends on how you react as an individual.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well either way I feel like what I am experiencing, is border line insanity. It feels like it just wipes my memory clean. Like theres no past.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Individuals that have suffered a mood or traumatic disorder can feel like this unfortunately. Also individuals with ADHD have higher incidences of mood and traumatic disorders too.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It just feels as though that some of my "coping" strategies is completely halting any chance for progress or moving past the trauma. it seems I have no control what so ever over my subconscious.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

That is because of the severity of the symptoms of the disorder, which like I said could be a mood disorder, traumatic disorder, or possibly both. You need to consider seeking treatment with a combination of therapy and medications to help you gain control of the symptoms and to manage this

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well I would love to, but its rendered me disabled. I can't live a normal functioning life with this. I haven't been able to work. The cost of therapy is too high for me to afford.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am very sorry to hear that. You have identified key symptoms here that needs to be treated with intensive psychotherapy and psychotropic medications. I realize that treatment is expensive, but there is no way around it that you need treatment given how much this impacts your quality of life.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Dr. Z are any of these symptoms I am dealing with familiar at all?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Like I said if the symptoms you described started when you were 11 or 12 years old than it sounds like they could be a mood disorder, traumatic disorder, or both. Its impossible to narrow it down without a full assessment that can only be done face to face. Even if you determine the exact diagnoses, it does not matter unless you get treatment. Think of it like this, if an individual figures out all physical symptoms are related to cancer, that is good, but it does not do anything beneficial for the individual unless they seek treatment. This is why you need to undergo psychotherapy and be prescribed psychotropic medications immediately.

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