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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1372
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Need support. Just found out my boyfriend is porn addict.

Customer Question

Need support. Just found out my boyfriend is porn addict.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice in a Q&A format. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello again, what is your specific mental health question that you would like an answer to in regards ***** ***** situation with your boyfriend?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hello.... Does it show it is me again??? It is a disaster. Such a mess and such a long story. I wish there was a chat here. I really do not know where to begin. But if I would try to describe it without the begining it would be: I am so hurt I do not know how to stop the pain. I keep crying, I cannot eat, I cannot focus on anything, I cannot think of anything, I am angry, if there was a way to keep my mind off of it it would be all I need. I basically feel crushed. I just do not know how to stop my brain, every free minute I have I am thinking about it. I hate him for what he did to me and I want to hate him more so that I can forget this whole story that lasted 15 years (since I was 15 years old, he is my first stupid love). I probably read thousands articles by now, and they make me scared, I feel like I do not deserve all this, I feel like he is not my husband, I do not have kids with him, I do not owe him anything, it should be easy fo rme to detach from him, but I am so attached to him, more than anything in the world and it is so supid, I have a lot of things going on in my life and instead of focusing on them, I am just leading such a distructive life. I really do not know why I came here, I probably want to be able to at least talk to someone. I cannot tell any friends or family member, I just want to unload....
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I am very sorry to hear this. Have you considered just taking a break from the relationship so that you can try to collect yourself?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
That is what I am trying to do, I took a break but the collecting art of it is not working out.... And I consider myself a very strong woman, the one that can take anythingin the f**king world, abolutely anything, it is just that betrayal turned out to be what I cannot handle. You know we were high school sweethearts, he was my first man, then when we graduated I eft him because I thought I need to find someone more responsible and perhaps more successful.... Then I came to USA for the "american dream", lived here for about 7 years, dated guys, but nobody really got into my heart that deep,I could never forget the first one and would always compare everyone to him. Then one time he wrote me, I did not resist and replied and since then we started communicating again. I kept going back home and spending some time with him there. He told me that he tried to have relationships couple of times and he just did not have the same feelings for other girls. So bascly he never dated anyone but me. Then in the last ear I noticed he became cold (while I know him as a very caring, gentle and loving guy). I first thought his love for me was gone, but he kept insisting that he loves me than anything in the world. And I kept pressing and pressing, I knew and felt something was wrong. I especially noticed that he would turn cold after I would send him my half naked photos (sory for such intimate details), when I would want to flirt with him a little I did that. So then I continued asing him questions and pressing him and this is when he told me about this story with his stepfather... And then by accident I found out about he has a porn addicton... And I do not even know to what degree. I do not even know what he is watching out there. All I know is that I feel like thee is nothing special about me or about our relationship, I feel that all it is he is a sick bustared that kept mastrubating to porn and photos on naked women because it is convinient fo rhim, because he is afraid of real life, real people. He never had a girlfriend not because he loves me so much, but because he is just sick. He is just like evry other man an animal that wants to get some flesh, naked body. And he is worst of them all, because to get a real woman at least you need to put some effort to concuer her, but he is such a piece of crap he can only drea of having allthis bodies and sit there like a maniak and mastrubate to different girls. I feel so betraied, evrything I thought about him and me were just my illusions. I feel dillusional.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My mom told me that something is wrong with this guy, it is imposible not to have anyone for 10 years. i said "no mom, he just loves me". Yeah right, he just loves me, no such thing on planet earth.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He could not resist for 4 days he said, 4 days without porn, he said life seemed so boring without porn, that the only thing he could think of is how to watch porn
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is a true addict
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He also was talking one time to me on skype, and we were sharing screens, he was showing me how to do something and shared his screen, then he forgot to turn it off, and I did not look at his screen, but at some point I switched back to skype and saw he was scrolling through pornosite while talking to me!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do not know. If you would see me in real life you would never thing such a girl can have such kind of problems, I look like a model and guys rool in my feet
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
But I thought nobody is like him, only he desrves me, because he waited forme the longest, because he tred the hardest, because it is true love. I felt he loves me not only for my body like everyone else, Ithought I could trust him with my life, that he will always be in my corner
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I think if you are this distressed it is time to take a break from the relationship so that you can think things over. Also you want to start seeing a therapist to help you better process your thoughts and feelings too.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The only time I feel better is when I express my anger and my thoughts to him, but whatever he says I cannot beleive him, he is a lier. And he is begging me to forgive him and to belive him, and I just do not know how to believe him again and one minute I feel like I forgive him and the next minute (usually after reading porn addiction articles) I feel miserable. Do you have anything else to say, some thoughts of your own besides telling me I need to see a therapist, please?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do not know what to do because one part of me wants to tell him all the nasty things I am thinking about and another part of me understands if I do so it will just drive him to the deeper into the dangeon and he may never be able to get out of all this, but this burain is too heavy for me to keep, but as a lover I want to scream and hurt him back very very much.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He is basically asking for my support, he told me he will go to a doctor and he will do anything, but I am so hurt I cannot give him this support. I need support myself. And if I will not stand by his side he will most likely continue with his distructive lifestyle
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Well remember this is a Q&A website only, we do not provide treatment here. While I know you want to vent and unload, that is not the purpose of this website. If you had a specific mental health question that you would like to ask than I could possibly assist you with an answer, but so far it seems obvious that you are distressed so you should consider ending the relationship or taking a separation from the relationship and then work on yourself and help your own healing from this.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
ok. thank you
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

You are most welcome

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