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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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Actually there was this guy at my workplace i know years. we

Customer Question

Hi..actually there was this guy at my workplace i know for 3 years. we both liked each other but never said anything. We were just hi and hello friends.He was in a relationship with sum1 else n me too. 3 months ago we both started chatting in fb and he starting asking me out. At first i played hard to get but later when he asked to pick me up from my frns i couldnt say no and we kissed each other.we dated for a while. He even once said to me that he wasnt ready for a long term relationship. He dated and i was actually starting to fall for him he decided to go back to his country for holiday. He even told me that his parents are getting him married. Later after talking with him for awhile i realised that it was girl he was in relationship before that he was going to marry and is seeing her everyday back at his home country. I dont know what to do? I miss him a lot
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello, I am sorry that you are having this issue with your partner. Have you discussed this fact that he is seeing this other woman? And if so how did he respond? He eventually is going to return back to your country, is that correct?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi he is not my partner. We were just work mates for 3 years, just hi and hello. He was with sum1 and me too. But i broke up with my ex and he too. We started going out like 2 months ago. Only after like 2 dates he said he didn't want anything serious right now. I was bit upset but foegot about n continued with him. But later after a month he told me that he is going back to his country n his parents might get him married. He went back and later told me that he was seeing his ex and is going to marry her and i asked him jot to talk with me
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Before it seemed like it was his parents and cultural thing. Now it looks like he is one and he was lying to me before. I was so attached that no matter how hard i try i still miss him
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We were friends on fb and started liking all those post about love and all and he has blocked me now which is making me feel like shit
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
We even talked like 10 days ago when i told him on phone that he had left me with no option. I never expressed it verbally but my actions showed my liking. And he told me that he used to think i was out of his legue so he never thought about serious thing would happen so.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do you think he likes me but because of his parents and since i havent confessed he is acting like that? Or he doeant actually cares?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Okay this is unfortunately serious and you are going to have to try to move forward from him as best as you can. I know it is hard right now, but over time you are going to think about him less and less and eventually you will not miss him anymore. Right now you are in a state of grief over this loss, and if you are patient and giving it the appropriate amount of time you will get over this. Some tricks that might help you would be to write a letter to yourself and pour out all your thoughts and feelings about him and this whole situation, you do not want to hold back at all. Then after you are finished you want to dispose of the letter in a way you find fitting, usually people like to burn the letter. This is going to be a cathartic experience for you as you release your emotions and thoughts for this man both figuratively and literally.

Another technique would be called thought blocking where you want to use a rubber band and put it on your wrist 24/7. Every time you think about him you want to snap the rubber band causing a mild pain. This mild pain will help to remind you to refocus your thoughts and also your mind will start to associate mild pain with this man and will subconsciously try to prevent you from thinking about him as well.

Lastly this is a good book that can help you move forward from a break up that can be a good resource for you.

"Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" by Susan Elliott

It is very possible that he does like you, but he wants to honor his culture and parents as that is important to him as well, so he may feel forced to go through with this marriage.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

*****YOU ARE ALMOST FINISHED…EXPERTS ONLY GET COMPENSATED FOR EACH POSITIVE RATING, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD GENTLY MASH ONE OF THE 3, 4, 5 SMILEY FACES/STARS THAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS MY PLEASURE HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE*****

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Would it be a stupid idea to try to talk with him once and express how i feel? Would that make any difference?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

It would not hurt to tell him how you feel if you want, but it may also not change the circumstances either and that is something you have to accept.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Because he even said to me once that he will try to speak to his family about me when we were out. And he was so nice o wasnt expecting this i knew sth was up when he said he didnt wanted serious now but so soon
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am the one who said lets not talk but i cant seem to let him go for now. Oh god y do i get attached so easily
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I understand, but like I said you can try to tell him how you feel and change his mind, but the choice is going to be up to him. I see no downside in trying this, but if he says no still than you are going to have to break away from him and move forward with your life. The techniques I showed you can help with this.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He even use to tell me about his parents, i was the one who said lets not talk but i want to talk to him now. And y did he had to block me in fb?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

I cannot read his mind, I do not know why he did not block you on social media. Right now you have to only focus on you as that is the only thing you can control.

*****YOU ARE ALMOST FINISHED…EXPERTS ONLY GET COMPENSATED FOR EACH POSITIVE RATING, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD GENTLY MASH ONE OF THE 3, 4, 5 SMILEY FACES/STARS THAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS MY PLEASURE HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE*****

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
What would you advice me on this ,try to talk to him once or just quitely move on with my life?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

As I stated above, there is no downside with trying to talk to him once about this, but if he says he cannot be in a relationship with you than you will have to move forward from there.

*****YOU ARE ALMOST FINISHED…EXPERTS ONLY GET COMPENSATED FOR EACH POSITIVE RATING, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD GENTLY MASH ONE OF THE 3, 4, 5 SMILEY FACES/STARS THAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS MY PLEASURE HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE*****

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am sure he knows that i love him so he blocked me because he knows that i love him and he cant be in relationship with me?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I mean i wasnt sending him text or anything y did he had to block me?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Y did he had to say that he would try when he wouldnt?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Y did he had to give the hope?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Was he expecting me to fight for him so that he can fight for me as well?
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

Like I said I cannot read his mind, but that is a possibility. You cannot concern yourself with what he is doing as you have no control over what he does. You only have control in your actions and behaviors, so try to keep focus on that. He may have only said these things to be nice to you and to let you down easy. Also his motive for blocking you was possibly because he did not want to be tempted by you if you did reach out to him.

*****YOU ARE ALMOST FINISHED…EXPERTS ONLY GET COMPENSATED FOR EACH POSITIVE RATING, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD GENTLY MASH ONE OF THE 3, 4, 5 SMILEY FACES/STARS THAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS MY PLEASURE HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE*****

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I just cant just thinking now. He did say he liked me once
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

As I stated before it will take time and you should try to use some of the techniques I mentioned above to help you move forward.

*Please do not forget to leave a POSITIVE rating. Thank you

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