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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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My daughter's husband cheated on her. They are going to

Customer Question

My daughter's husband cheated on her. They are going to counseling but she can't quit checking his phone, find friends app & emails. I think she is going crazy.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello and thank you for your question. I am very sorry to hear about your daughter and your son in law, I can understand how distressing this can be for your daughter. Her behavior of obsessively checking her husband’s phone and other resources is quite common in a situation like this and the only way she is going to stop is if she chooses to stop. I know you want to help her, but you can only control your own actions and behaviors, not hers. This is why she alone must choose to stop this "obsessive behavior." What you can do to try to help her is encourage her to have outlets when she gets these urges to check up on her husband, and this can be simply taking a walk, listening to music, reading...basically almost anything to keep her mind busy. Also you have to reason with her that will she be doing this throughout her whole marriage, constantly checking on her husband. This type of conversation starter can help her realize she has a problem which may help her to address this issue with more veracity to help stop the behavior. If you are not too busy, maybe when your daughter gets urges to check on her husband, she can have an agreement to call you to help vent and calm these urges down....this is where you can tell her that checking up on him all the time will not be able to control him. If he chooses to cheat on her that is entirely up to him because only he is in control of his actions; checking up on him all the time will not change this fact, so she has to understand her limitations. If you remind her of this, it may help her to encourage her to stop the behavior, but again only she can decide to stop the behavior.

I hope this answers your question and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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