*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I can definitely understand your concerns regarding the future with this man and your unborn child. May I ask, do you feel that his aggression, physical abuse, and verbal abuse is healthy in your relationship and do you believe he can change in the future or will this be part of your marriage? Have you tried to ask if he is willing to undergo couples therapy to discuss some of your concerns with him? And because you state that you may want someone to listen to you and be your guide, have you considered individual therapy at all?
Thank you for your more detailed description of your circumstances. I obviously cannot make the choice for you on if you should stay with this man or not; or keep the child or not, as these are decisions only you can make without interference from anyone. What I can say is that even if this man is abusive 5-10 percent of the time, that is still too much as he should not be abusive towards at all no matter what. Given the frequency of his abuse and his desire to not get attached to you in case you two divorce, most likely he will escalate his abuse over time and it will cause you increased frustration and emotional pain, unless he gets possible treatment for his issues. It sounds like you do not really want to marry this man, but you feel you must out of obligation or because you feel you have limited options due to not being a virgin and your age. The fact is that in Western Culture most people do not care if you are a virgin or not and also your age will not preclude you from getting married in the future as most people around your age put off marriage to focus on their career as this is quite common. Overall it sounds like you are forcing yourself to find reasons to marry this man even though there are numerous warning signs telling why it would not be in your best interest...like I said I cannot make the decision for you, but based on what you described it sounds like there is a good chance things will get worse the longer this relationship continues.
As for the unborn child, your physical and emotional health is paramount here, so definitely weigh the risks of a potential abortion with your physical health first. In addition, if you choose to get an abortion you must do so for yourself not because of this man. You have to decide on if an abortion is in your best interest for your overall well being. Also you can consider keeping the child and sharing custody with this man without marrying him as your only connection will be the child...this could be hard for you, but not impossible. Of course if you do decide to keep the child, you should know that this man's problematic behavior will be a factor in the child's development and may emotionally harm the child as well given the likelihood that his aggression and abuse will worsen as times moves forward.
I cannot tell you what to do, nor what is right here as what is right is relative to the individual. But I hope I at least gave you some perspective and insight on your situation to help you make a more informed decision. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
*****YOU ARE ALMOST FINISHED…EXPERTS ONLY GET COMPENSATED FOR EACH POSITIVE RATING, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD GENTLY MASH ONE OF THE 3, 4, 5 SMILEY FACES/STARS THAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU GO. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IT WAS MY PLEASURE HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE*****
It sounds like you are ready to make a decision on moving away from this man and possibly aborting the child for your own well being and peace of mind so that you have no connection to this man at all, which may be best for you. If you are concerned about what would entail from an emotional perspective afterwards, you can consider seeking therapy to help you move forward and heal not just from the possible abortion, but from this possible relationship as well. There is no excuse for his abuse and you should not have to live that way because of it.
Like I said I cannot make the decision for you, but because you are in an abusive relationship like this and he shows no real motivation to change this behavior will most likely continue and get worse over time. His manipulation and abuse are problematic for you and you have to decide if that is the marriage you want or not.
The decision is up to you, but it sounds like you have all the legal issues handled so far. I still believe this man will continue to abuse you and possibly your future child given his history and that this abuse will only escalate. Hopefully he will get treatment for his issues in the near the future so that he can be a better supporting partner to you.
I have noticed that you have not rated me yet for my answers, and in fact you have not provided a positive rating to any question you have asked on this website since 2013. Remember experts only get compensated once you rate, so as a sign of good faith I would appreciate if you can rate me positively before continuing. Thank you.
The website still gets the payment, but the experts do not when you do not rate them.