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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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MY soon to be ex wife seems to be a sociopath - no remorse,

Customer Question

MY soon to be ex wife seems to be a sociopath - no remorse, hatred, no empathy, very manipulating, very dishonest, seems happy to watch pain she's responsible for causing - but I read a couple of places they don't like to finish things and she's an extreme type A personality who finishes and starts everything - nothing is ever enough for her in any way. She's also been diagnosed as BPD - any thoughts?
I need help in knowing how to handle her better during and after the divorce. She hates me when she seems to really loathe herself - but when I show mercy, or grace, or want to show her I love her enough to accept the hurt and forgive anything - she really seems disgusted and repulsed by me then. After 5 years of being hit, peeing in my drink, screamed at and called loser - I've had enough. I actually hate her now and only regret I ever met such an evil empty person - but she is the mother of our daughter and I want none of her and as little of her drama and games as possible - help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.

*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.

Hello, I am very sorry that you are having these issues with your soon to be ex-wife, I can understand how distressing this can be for you. Truthfully you cannot reason with an individual that may have a personality disorder because while you can see things in a logical manner, her personality disorder prevents her from processing things logically. The best way for you to avoid any "drama" or conflict with this woman would be to limit your contact with her to only issues related to your daughter. Do not interact with her on any other subject and try to use mediums of email or phone calls as you have greater control with those forms of communication where you can end the discussion when you start to notice it going in a direction you do not like. Here is also a very effective book that can help prepare you more for the divorce process and aftermath with someone who has BPD:

"Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" by Eddy and Kreger

Overall though the best advice most psychologists give in this situation is to limit your contact and form adequate barriers so that she will not have any access to your personal life. The only connection you two will have is with your daughter, nothing more.

I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.

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