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Hello, so this man was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) at such a late age? And what exactly are you asking when you state "how can borderlines get it so wrong;" what exactly is this man getting wrong?
I am sorry that this individual is struggling like this, as he is most likely making rash and impulsive decisions as a way to mask his symptoms and not deal with the core issues. Now what exactly is your mental health question that you would like an answer to regarding this man's behavior?
I truly am empathetic to your situation and I admire that you want to help this person, but remember only he has the power to help himself. You can say and do everything right by him, but in the end it is up to him to choose to behave differently. The best thing for you to do in this circumstance is to set firm boundaries on what you feel is acceptable behavior and what is not acceptable behavior, so when he is expressing acceptable behavior that is when you can be supportive to him and show him that when he is like this than you will be there for him. Also tell him that a meaningful relationship should be caring, supportive, and kind and when he pushes you away (and others too) it will cause you to hesitate getting close to him. These are the boundaries you have to set with this man and if he is receptive to what you are saying, than it is possible you can persuade him to seek out therapy for his issues as way for him to vent and process all these emotions and thoughts he has. By setting up firm boundaries you are becoming effectively detached, but leaving hope that he can change for the better if he truly wants to.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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