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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have been in a relationship years with man I believe is a covert narcissist

Customer Question

Hi,
I have been in a relationship for 5 years with man I believe is a covert narcissist.
Throughout our relationship and until relatively recently he had been in contact with his ex declaring undying love for her etc. I confronted h several weeks ago and he claimed it was simply because she was struggling to get over their relationship and he was trying to make her feel less like a victim. Several weeks later I discovered he had been/has been in contact with a Russian woman online and was arranging a visa for her to come to the uk. I broke up with him but he claims it was escapism and I have got the wrong end of the stick. Throughout our relationship (much of which was long distance) I have had niggling suspicions. He is now declaring his undying love for me and making me doubt what I have discovered or believe to be the case.
I am almost certain he is a narcissist and should not give him another chance but he is very convincing.
am I mad?!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area.
Hello, I believe I may be able to help you with your concern. If you truly believe that this man has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) than you should not be in a relationship with him as he will lie often, manipulate, and try to control you...then before you know it you will feel stuck in a relationship that you cannot get out of (from an emotional point of view). You are definitely not "mad," but part of that manipulation an individual with NPD can do will make you question yourself, like you are doing now. Your instincts are telling you that this man is not to be trusted because of what you have told me, and probably for other reasons as well. Follow your instincts as you know how you should be treated in a relationship and you know what this man is doing is not right. Individuals with NPD will rarely ever change and can truly bring down their relationship partners to a point where they feel like they are in an emotional blackhole of despair, please do not let that be you here. You are a strong and confident person right now, do not let him try to charm you away from what you know to be true...it would be best if you ended the relationship now and moved forward with your life, for your own well being. If you want to read more about NPD and the symptoms/behaviors attached to it, I would recommend that you read this link.
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide and I hope you are able to move forward from this situation smoothly. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
*****Remember I only get compensated for my hard work through positive ratings, so I would truly appreciate it if you can take the time and provide me with a POSITIVE RATING using the smiley faces/stars. Thank you so much and it was my pleasure helping you with your issue.*****
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I noticed that you viewed my answer and I was checking in to see if you have any further questions or concerns that you would like me to address on this issue?
*****Remember I only get compensated for my hard work through positive ratings, so I would truly appreciate it if you can take the time and provide me with a POSITIVE RATING using the smiley faces/stars. Thank you so much and it was my pleasure helping you with your issue.*****

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