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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 10547
Experience:  Psy.D. in Clinical Forensic Psychology with a background in treating severe mental illnesses.
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I have had this long distance relationship with this girl on-line year and we ta

Customer Question

I have had this long distance relationship with this girl on-line for about year and we talked everyday and have a met a few times too.
She gave me the silent treatment about 3 months ago when my sister visited me and I didn't text her for a couple of days. But she didn’t text me either. She didn't respond to me for 5 days after that and only when I apologized to her several times. When I questioned her about the silent treatment she said she didn’t feel like talking not just to me but everyone including her family and it was because she was upset
Now about couple of months ago, we had a very trivial argument and she started the silent treatment again. For about 10 days I tried to reach out to her, but would not respond to me. It was very frustrating and painful, so after 10 days I went no contact to preserve my sanity and have been on no contact for about 40 days. I have not heard from her.
Should I continue on no contact and move on or try to contact her?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am sorry that you are having this issue with your partner, I can understand how frustrating this situation can possibly be for you. I would like to ask do you want to try to resume the long-distance relationship with her, knowing that this issue may arise again in the future. Or do you think your feelings for this woman have changed completely and that you may not feel as strongly for her like you once did?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't feel as strongly as before, but still have feelings for her. Yes, she probably will do it again and I am not sure if there are other issues involved here like bpd. But if I do want to get back with her not sure what I will say since I have been no contact for about 40 days.
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 1 year ago.
Well the choice is obviously yours, but I think it would be best for you to just continue the no-contact with this woman and move forward with your life as she may have some internal issues that cause her to behave in this passive-aggressive manner. If you do decide to try to reconcile with her, you can tell her that you missed her and that you believe a miscommunication and stubbornness led to this no-contact for the last 40 days and that you would like to try to work through this and get back to where you both were at before this unfortunate incident. Then you can start to hear her reasons for the no-contact and she can hear your reasons as well, than from there you both should consider ways to prevent this from happening again.
This woman has done this twice already, albeit this no-contact period was a lot longer, but it shows a pattern of passive-aggressiveness. This is why I think it would be best to just continue with the no-contact and move forward from her as that may be more healthy for you in the long-run. Still the decision is completely up to you, I am only providing my professional opinion on the matter.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
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