I have just read the post below and this is exactly the type of treatment i need.
Do you know of any practitioners in the uk?
First, "reverse narcissism" is called covert narcissism in clinical terms. Covert narcissism is still narcissism, meaning: the person still has grandiose fantasies but has a lot of negative self talk, and feelings of unworthiness so this grandiosity gets knocked down and the person yields to the overt narcissist all her hopes and dreams. They have a very strong conscience that works against themselves always putting themselves down. they are therefore always afraid to show their accomplishments. They are outwardly exceedingly modest and shy.
Okay. This might be applicable to you but I'm not convinced. The eating disorder earlier in your life and the major feeling you have of addiction to love are pointing me in a different direction:
I would like you to seek psychotherapy with a psychologist who combines both psychodynamic
as well as cognitive behavioral therapies. One area that combines the two is Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy. It is based on the work of the psychologist Jon Kabat-Zinn who has done a lot of work in bringing the concepts of mindfulness meditation
into mainstream psychology. Here is the website for this type of therapy:
You may not find a therapist who specializes in this type of therapy in your area, but becoming familiar with this therapy will help guide you in selecting the type of therapist who will use these principles. You need to interview the therapist and make sure you are comfortable with her or him and that they are not narrow in their approaches.
Why? Because I want you to reorient your thinking away from the label of narcissism and into the area of your not having fully had the opportunity to explore your inner self, who you really are inside. You form bonds very easily and these bonds are very important to you. They give you a sense of self. Well, you need to develop your knowledge of your own self and most importantly: your tolerance of yourself as a self, an independent functioning self.
I am not referring here to searching your soul, I am referring to feeling comfortable with your soul. Feeling comfortable that you are an independent whole. Somewhere along the line early in your development you were made unable to tolerate yourself as you were and as you saw yourself. It is now time to learn to accept and be able to be with yourself. That is not just an affirmation. That's why you need a psychotherapist of this type.
That you are willing to hold on to a bond with someone when you know it's not genuine love is a testament to what I am referring to: ***** ***** to not have to be a whole within yourself.
So that is the work you need to prepare yourself to do. It will not be awful and you will like what you will find in yourself when you get comfortable with yourself!! I have worked with people in this situation and that is how the therapy concludes. I recommend you take your question and my answer with you to therapy and use it as a springboard to get started on this life changing work.
I wish you all the very best in YOUR life!
Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! To contact me, click on my name below and write to me. All the best, ***** *****
I thought I might be a covert narcissist because I am convinced that my boyfriend is a narcissist. I know I cannot change him, so I am desperate to change myself. I am bothered by the fact that I will tolerate even physical abuse from him, but the emotional pain I feel when we are apart is worse than the physical pain. I read some definitions of inverted narcissism and I seemed to identify with them.
You are right about me not being able to accept myself. I don't even know what to accept anymore, so I will research the web site you recommended. I'm skeptical about counseling at this point since I've already spent so much time in counseling, and I don't seem to be progressing. However, maybe with a more direct approach, I can finally work toward recovery.
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Yes, I don't think counseling will do it. Why not? Because you have nurtured this dependency and this hiding from yourself for decades now. The situation is beyond counseling. I am urging you to seek therapy with a psychologist. What's the difference? You and the psychologist have to agree that what you are doing is hard work. You are redeveloping your development as an adolescent (possibly even younger) through an adult. You are going to do developmental work to redefine how you see yourself. That's pretty deep work and will need an experienced psychologist. Please show our discussion to the psychologist and use it as a springboard for your work.
Right now you need hope and determination. BE HOPEFUL. Commit yourself to your life and to being whole within yourself.
I wish you the very, very best! Please remember to click the green ACCEPT button if you haven't already. Thank you! Dr. Mark
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